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catsconflictscopicsandchamomile · 1 year ago

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hey um this is a real fucking vent of a post maybe dont read if ur triggered easily by family/abuse stuff. I just had to get it out im sry. its not too coherent

I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him. my dad. one second we're having a normal conversation about art. then he's screaming at me to shut the fuck up, swearing at me, telling me how behind everyone else my age I am, telling me that I DON'T deserve respect or to be treated like a human, mock-bowing to me while laughing at me and saying that I think I'm sooooo important "like some kind of fucking princess" bc I said I don't deserve to be treated like I'm not human. yelling at me over and over to "shut my fucking mouth", saying that this is why I have no friends, why I lose every friendship I care about, and that he can throw me out right now if I keep "pushing it" and he won't care and there's nothing I can do about it. that I don't have real friends and can't name them. that I'm only acting how I am because I'm "on my period and a bit wacky".

....what sparked this? I said I wash underwear in hot water after I buy it, and that it didn't matter if that was "logical" or not bc I only buy new undies once every year or two. that's what sparked this whole thing. that and me saying "How dare you.I don't deserve to be treated this way." when he blew up. ...literally just yesterday he was saying how he's so proud of me and loves me. not even 24 hours ago he was saying that he could see how hard I'm working and that he understands if I need a break because I'm doing so well. ten MINUTES AGO we were talking about art, looking at the bedsheet I'd ordered and he was complimenting my choices and saying he'd put me in charge of buying new sheets for the household soon. TEN MINUTES AGO. what HAPPENED.

...and I know he'll just go back to loving & respecting me after (insert length of time here) when he feels like it, and until then I'll be excluded from all family interactions, treated like a literal threat and monster at all times, called "my abuser" instead of "my daughter", and forced to hide. ...and then I'll be his Amazing Smart Hardworking Daughter again, unless I bring ANY of this up in which case it will go from Bad to Worst and I am now "THE abuser". this is how it goes. this is how it's gone for a decade. why do I always forget this part when things are good. Even if I write it down or record it (THAT WAS A BAD IDEA HE GOT SO PISSED) it feels...fake??? like it just doesn't exist. I am fully aware that this is gaslighting.

I am fully aware that he does this and simultaneously presents himself to the community as an example of RECOVERY from abuse and has CONSIDERED BECOMING A THERAPIST. I don't have shit on him bc I have nowhere else to go, and I'm not in physical danger. staying here until I can get into college and/or get a job IS my best bet, bc while this is traumatic and unpredictable he's fully all bark, no bite. the majority-ish of the time, things are good. He does house and support me despite having just lost his job (though I'm paying for a lot of the groceries- no job here either), and he's actually been really amazing & supportive this year in general... except when he does This.

and GOD does This suck

one day I'll figure out how to stealth-record on my phone... idk why. when things are Bad Like This i want some record to release to our community once I get independent, and blow this lie out of the water. Ik it's ungrateful but like... what the fuck dude

I'm really thankful for what he's doing for me

but what the fuck dude

why

it's going to mean NOTHING in a few hours/days. he's obviously letting out some internal thing that he has no idea how to channel appropriately and nobody else he can aim it at who wont fight back (except my little brother, who has never done anything wrong ever in his life and is ALWAYS dad's "son") (and the dog, who he sometimes threatens to scare until she pees if she's barking like a lunatic at the pizza guy or someone, but he's mostly-joking/ never actually does it because she's "the best dog in the world") (...I'm treated less human then the dog)

but its just so mean

(also obviously if i even raise my voice/tone a TINY BIT at him, or say a word in a way that he percieves as mildy passive-aggresive, that's a trigger for things to go from Good to Bad unless I immediately literally grovel.

...if you want to uhhhh please send funny videos, art DIYS, animals, mythology, the worst most cursed music and/or mashups you know. I could rly use it rn. just rec me something. anything. (not fanfic tho- I'm currently writing my college application essay on fandom's role in modern folklore, so for once I Do Not Want To Hear/Read Any More About It)

#no shade on my little bro #he's 18 now and sometimes I wish he'd stand up for me but he's a great kid #wouldnt wish dad's crap on him anyway #we have nothing in common and no sibling relationship. he kind of has the personality of a saltine cracker dipped in monster energy #but he's a damn good guitarist and a good person #no shade on my puppy either #she is the best dog in the world (in the way that most owners say their dogs are)#though she is a little thief with bad breath who climbs the counter like a climbing wall to steal unattended breakfasts(affectionate)#STRAIGHT UP NOT HAVING A GOOD TIME #shit like this is why im deancoded/srs #me: yesterday was perfect. i never have good days omg??? this is definitely going to turn awful when the other shoe drops #today: the other shoe has dropped and it's only 6:30 am #tw toxic family #tw verbal abuse #rant #vent #tw family abuse #tw abuse #tw toxic parents #longpost #tw ableism #bitch WHY????#fairly literal crytyping

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thedumpsterqueen · 4 years ago

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Standards of Performance, Chapter 6: Buckshot and Tequila

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5

AO3 Link

Finally, I write most of the chapter before the day I’m supposed to post it. This was mostly done on my laptop (which I’m not used to) as we just moved and my PC is barely set up, so forgive anything that looks weird or wonky. As always, I hope you enjoy. I love getting all your kind messages <3 (Also message me if you want to be on the taglist - I suppose I should be better about that!)

Summary: You’re the BAU’s newest intern, desperate to prove yourself amongst an established team of much more experienced profilers. Agent Hotchner, the seemingly infallible team leader, sets strict expectations for your performance. He commands your respect without even trying, but is there something more to your relationship than a simple desire to impress your stony-faced boss?

Chapter: 6, Buckshot and Tequila

Chapter Summary: Events during a new case test your ability to keep your feelings hidden, and a night out takes an unforeseen turn.

Words: 3736

Rating: Explicit, 18+. Warnings on AO3.

Pairings: Hotch x Reader, Hotch x You

Turns out, lying to Hotch was easier than you thought.

It helped that you were lying to yourself too, of course - that you pretended your gaze didn't linger on his form whenever he was in your vicinity, that the swell of pride in your chest when he agreed with something you said was purely professional. There were times, though, that the facade was much harder to maintain. The most recent case had been one of those times.

You had been tracking down an unsub abducting children in a rural Iowa town. Three kids had gone missing in the span of two weeks, and after Garcia matched the victimology and MO with neighboring states, it looked to be close to a dozen in the years before that. The case started off rough enough - locals refused to believe it could be one of their own, police resisted the BAU’s guidance, the usual - but it came to a head when a fourth child went missing during the investigation.

Thankfully, the team figured out the identity of the unsub relatively quickly. Reid did a geographical profile of all the locations where victims were taken and found a public health clinic that had branches in each area. Garcia cross-checked the employee records to find that only one doctor had done travel shifts at each clinic during the time the children were taken, and within minutes, you were rushing to his address.

The SUV carrying Hotch, Rossi, and Prentiss arrived long enough before yours that by the time you pulled up, they were already kicking down the door and entering the home. The first thing you heard after you flung the car door open was the deafening crack of a weapon firing, and despite your lack of training with firearms, it was apparent that it was not an FBI-issue pistol.

You would never describe yourself as fragile - you couldn't be, not in this line of work. But when you registered the implications of that sound, your knees buckled, instantly bringing you down onto the dusty ground outside the farmhouse. The rest of the team sprinted in, guns drawn. You faintly registered Prentiss yelling inside, then more gunshots, but your head was ringing so loudly from the visceral panic that you couldn’t make out anything specific.

When Hotch burst back out onto the porch, you thought you might honestly sob with relief. That is, until you caught the glint of the sun in the slick, dark blood dripping down the sleeve of his suit.

That was when you puked.

Something about the sight of Aaron Hotchner bleeding felt so wrong that even as you struggled to your feet and stepped over the pile of sick you left in the dirt, even as you got closer and saw the rivulets of blood drip down to his fingertips and dot the wooden floors of the porch, you felt like you were in a dream. Your mind couldn’t grasp the sudden shock of his mortality, that he could bleed, that he could die, even, and he very well might, depending on what vessels were hit. You made it up the steps, only managing to call out his name - his first name - your throat still burning from bile. Despite the chaos of the current moment, he still whipped his head around at the sound of that, as if hearing the name Aaron desperately falling from your lips was more attention-grabbing than the rest of the team gathering around him trying to stem the bleeding.

“It looks worse than it is,” said Rossi, peering through the holes in Hotch’s mangled sleeve. “It was just buckshot, and he barely hit you. Nothing a few stitches won’t fix.”

He turned out to be right, thank god, and later that afternoon, Hotch was freshly bandaged and sitting across from you on the return flight to Quantico.

So, yeah, the “lying to yourself” thing wasn’t going so well at that moment. Hotch was absorbed in paperwork while the rest of the team napped - because of course he was; even being shot didn’t sway his apparently relentless refusal to relax - and each time he winced at the movement of his arm, your vice grip around your chest tightened a little more.

He must have sensed you staring, because he looked up, frown softening slightly as he saw the concern on your face.

“Don’t worry about me. I’m fine,” he assured you with a half smile.

Teetering on an emotional precipice, too scared to respond for fear of falling over the edge, you went back to your reading. After a few minutes of listening to him write while not turning a single page in your book, he set his pen down and took a breath.

“You were screaming my name,” he said, quietly, despite you two being the only ones awake.

“What?”

“Earlier,” he clarified, “when we went into the house. I could hear you outside, yelling my name.”

You looked at him, incredulous. “Of course I did. I heard the shotgun go off. Clearly,” you gestured at his arm, “I had a reason to be worried.”

He shook his head and cleared his throat, as if you didn’t understand the question. “Dave and Emily were with me. Any of us could have gotten hit. You only yelled for me.”

Oh.

You shrugged. “You’re the team leader. It’s my instinct to call for you when something goes wrong."

It was a lie, and a bad one at that, but Hotch gave you an unreadable look and let the subject drop.

The rest of the flight was uneventful, and when you finally made it back to your apartment, you had no plans other than to sleep off the stress of the case and the embarrassment of Hotch calling your actions into question. Garcia, however, wasn't about to let that happen.

BAU-tiful People Group Chat

Garcia: *added You to the conversation*

Garcia: Ok, my lovely children, I know you’re all tired, but I miss your faces, so I’ll see u at Whimsy tonight at 9! Notice I didn’t use a question mark bc it is NOT a question!

You knew from overhearing the team talk that Whimsy was a bar downtown they liked to frequent, but you’d never been invited before. Despite your overwhelming exhaustion, the idea of going out with the team, of finally feeling accepted by them, was enough to make you amenable to the concept. It may have seemed insignificant on the surface, but Garcia adding you to their group chat was the biggest welcome gesture you’d received yet.

Morgan: Only if you wear that dress you know I like ;)

You lived for the day they would realize they were actually flirting with each other instead of just pretending to.

Prentiss: Garcia… you’re killing me… but you know I’ll be there.

JJ: Contacting the babysitter as we speak.

Morgan: Fuck yeah!!! Pretty Boy, you in?

Reid: Can’t we ever go somewhere quiet?

As the group chimed in with various iterations of, “Shut up, Reid,” you hesitantly typed out a text to confirm your attendance. You were excited, of course, but nervous to be the new kid at their favorite hangout. After today's events, though, the desire not to be sober won out over nerves.

You: I’ll be there! Thanks for the invite!

Rossi: Hope you kids are ready for me to drink you under the table, as usual.

Morgan: Eyyy, you KNOW we party hard! See y’all tonight.

____________

Turns out, Morgan was not exaggerating. Not even a little bit. By the time you arrived, 15 minutes late, everyone looked to be at least 3 shots deep. Garcia ran over to greet you, squealing, and wrapped you in a suffocating hug.

“I’m so glad you came! What do you drink? Tequila? I’ll grab the next round!”

You laughed and confirmed that tequila sounded great, and as she scurried off to the bar with Morgan on her heels, you had a chance to look around.

The atmosphere of the club surprised you - it was all glass and steel and modernity, packed with people dancing to something with intense bass - not the low-key joint you’d pictured the team wanting to unwind at. But as you watched JJ, Prentiss, and Rossi cheer on Reid as he threw back a shot, doubling over in hysterics as he coughed and sputtered at the taste, you realized that this place was just loud and energetic enough to keep them from thinking about anything other than work. In that way, you definitely saw the appeal.

“I come bearing shots!” Garcia yelled as her and Morgan made it back to the table. “Grab yours… here we go- whoops! Alright, everyone got theirs?”

She turned to you, grinning behind a pair of hot pink spectacles. “Cheers not ONLY to rescuing four kidnapped children alive, but also to our lovely intern and her first Whimsy outing!”

The team erupted in cheers and you smiled back, downing the tequila. You chatted with the group while Garcia ordered more drinks, and then more drinks, and soon you felt a pleasant buzz filling your head.

“Morgan, you better ask me to dance right now before I go find another man to do the job,” Garcia said with a wink in his direction.

Morgan grinned and mock-bowed, holding out a hand for her to take, and led her off to the dancefloor.

“Should we join them?” JJ asked around the table.

“Someone’s gotta make sure they don’t do anything worth getting kicked out for,” Prentiss shot back. You giggled and followed the girls, leaving Rossi and Reid behind at the table in the midst of a heated debate about childhood brain development that you couldn’t even hope to comprehend.

Not long after you started dancing, you felt a gentle tap on your shoulder and turned around, looking up into the stunning green eyes of a man who looked to be about your age. It was hard to really tell what he looked like in the dim lighting, but by the way Prentiss was giving you a thumbs up and mouthing, “Go for it,” from your side, he was good enough for you.

“Do you want to dance?” he asked above the music. You smiled and nodded in confirmation, letting him wrap his arms around your waist and pull you to his hips.

He knew how to move, that was for certain. He ground against your backside lightly, snaking his hands around your stomach. You weren’t used to this kind of thing - dancing with random men at bars, letting them touch you like this - but the combination of the music and the booze and the relief at the last case being over was making you feel more free than you had in recent memory.

You exchanged grins with Morgan, who was dancing a few feet away in a much more R-rated manner with Garcia. The man behind you (whose name you didn’t know, but who cared?) leaned down to kiss your neck and you arched against him in response, reaching up to run your hand through his hair.

Throughout the song, you had rotated back to facing the table where the rest of your team was sitting. You glanced over, saw Reid and Rossi still deep in discussion, along with another man in a black button-up with a very familiar side profile and-

Hotch.

Hotch was here, and as if the powers that be were insistent upon proving to you that the opposite of serendipity existed, at the exact moment you had that realization, he turned and made direct eye contact with you. Drunk, wearing a skintight dress, a random man grinding on your ass, and staring right back at your Unit Chief at the motherfucking Federal Bureau of Investigation.

Your heart dropped to your stomach, and if you had been drunker, you might have hurled tequila all over the dancefloor. Instead, you pulled away from the mystery man behind you, ignoring his shocked, “Wait!” and beelined to the bar.

“Tequila. Shot. Please, I’m sorry, just saw someone I didn’t expect to,” you blurted out to the bartender, swearing you could feel Hotch’s eyes on your back from across the club.

The bartender, probably having seen much worse, nodded in understanding and poured your drink. You gulped it down, wiped your mouth, and leaned on the bar to get your bearings.

It’s not weird. It’s not. It’s a bar, it’s outside of work hours, it’s perfectly fine that you’re buzzed and dancing and having fun. Everyone else is!

Really, it wasn’t that you were worried about your job, or even that he would judge you (he probably would, but that was unavoidable regardless of the setting), it was just that you hadn’t mentally prepared yourself for the possibility that he would come. He was in the group chat - obviously, if he had seen Garcia’s invite - but had never struck you as the social type, the kind of boss that would interact with his team outside of work.

“Did you see that Hotch is here?” Prentiss asked breathlessly, appearing at the bar beside you.

Apparently, you weren’t the only one surprised.

“I did,” you whispered back, despite the thumping music and the rowdy patrons making it logically impossible for your words to reach the table 20 feet away. “Does he usually join you guys?”

“Never,” she said, before thinking and correcting herself, “Not in years, anyways. When Haley… we used to drag him out, but we stopped after a while.”

“Why do you think he came tonight?"

She shrugged. “Who knows? Far be it from me to explain why Hotch does anything.” An idea seemed to pop in her head, and she grinned. “Maybe it’s because of you!”

“M-me?” Your reaction to the suggestion wasn’t nearly as nonchalant as you’d tried for, but Prentiss was too drunk to notice.

“Yeah, gotta help initiate the intern on her first night out, right?” She grinned and clapped you on the shoulder, then turned away to head back to the dancefloor, leaving you alone. You sighed, gathered yourself as much as you could considering the effects of the tequila, and turned around to go greet him.

“Hey, Agent Hotchner. Didn’t expect to see you tonight!”

“Yes, well. Thought I’d show up for a bit; it’s been a while.” He gave you a tight lipped smile then looked back down at his glass of whisky, the awkward energy palpable.

Probably because he just saw you basically dry-humping some random dude.

“Well, I’m glad you came! Feel free to, uh, come dance if you want! Morgan and Garcia are showing us all up,” you said, gesturing to where Morgan and Garcia were in fact drawing the attention of several onlookers.

He chuckled at that. “They’re certainly a sight to behold, aren’t they?”

You nodded in agreement and headed back to the bar, the brief conversation pointing you towards yet another drink. Talking to him was so easy , sometimes, and others it was like pulling teeth to get a human response out of him. Could you blame him, though? Your last one-on-one interaction was you basically inviting yourself over to his apartment with takeout and listening to him spill his guts about his dead wife and kid, and he probably felt uncomfortable with you after that, and then you went right to this case without any chance for things to go back to normal, and then he got shot, and oh my god, you didn’t even ask him how his arm was doing, how fucking rude can you be, dumbass? and-

“Whoops! Shit, I’m sorry!”

You looked at the person you’d just bumped into in the midst of your internal crisis.

“Hey, it’s you!”

The man you’d been dancing with earlier, now much more obviously handsome in the brighter lights of the bar area, grinned in recognition.

“Hey, I thought I’d scared you off there!”

You laughed and shook your head. “No, I’m sorry. Just saw my boss and freaked out a little bit.”

“Oh shit, your boss is here?” he asked. “That’s uncomfortable, damn. I’m sorry.”

“No worries, it’s just… yeah. Anyways. Wanna pick up where we left off?” you asked, more desperate than ever to get Hotch out of your head. If he didn’t want to see you having a wild night, he shouldn’t have come to the club.

He took your hand, looking pleased. “Lead the way.”

It really was so much easier, you thought, to let yourself feel attraction for guys like this. Uncomplicated, willing to take what you give them, no backstory to speak of. They weren’t riddled with tragic history, unattainable in both position and personality, not to mention impossible to even imagine ever returning your feelings. Guys like Cooper (you’d finally learned his name somewhere amid the grinding and groping) were easy and fun and they didn’t keep you up at night agonizing over whether that thing you said at work was impressive enough.

But then again, they didn’t give you the roller-coaster feeling in your stomach that Aaron Hotchner did every time you locked eyes.

And lock eyes you did - an increasingly frequent number of times, actually. It seemed like whenever you turned to face his direction, he was staring you down. He always went back to his conversation with Rossi and Reid, but you noticed that he seemed to get more and more pissed off with every song that played. His frown was deepened, his expression dark, and you could tell even from a distance that his knuckles were white from gripping his glass.

You shrugged it off as Hotch being Hotch - who knew what that man was thinking? And besides, you were trying to forget him, damn it. At least, that was until a particularly raunchy song came on and you were in the middle of getting your ass felt up, when you felt a hand squeeze your shoulder and whip you around, bringing you face-to-face with your boss himself.

“Hey, what’s going on? Is something wrong?” you asked, utterly bewildered as to why he was interrupting you.

He ignored you, instead staring down Cooper, who very quickly decided Hotch wasn’t one to fuck with and walked away.

“Hotch! Is there a case? Should I grab the others?”

He shook his head. “Can you come with me, please?”

Perplexed, you acquiesced (not that you had much of a choice, with the way he was gripping your elbow) and followed him through the crowd, out the back door, and into an alley. He let go of you then, sighing and crossing his arms.

Your mind was wild with questions - did you do something you shouldn’t have? Get too drunk? Everyone was drunk, though, and you weren’t even half as wasted as some of the others. Did Reid or Rossi tell him something bad about you? Were you about to somehow get yourself fired off the clock?

“The boy you were dancing with was bad news,” he said, after an uncomfortably long period of silence.

What the fuck?

“What the fuck?” you repeated, this time out loud, and you knew you shouldn’t be talking to him like this, but you were too caught off guard to conduct yourself more appropriately.

“He was a drug user,” Hotch said, as if that would explain everything.

“A drug user,” you repeated back, no less confused.

“Cocaine,” he continued. “He was high - his pupils were dilated, he was rubbing his nose, and he's been to the bathroom several times.”

“So… you’re going to arrest him? For doing cocaine?” you asked, still baffled as to what he was insinuating.

“What? No,” he said, “I’m trying to warn you not to get involved.”

You had entered some parallel universe, you decided. There was no other explanation for your boss, a man you’d known all of four months, dragging you outside a bar on a Friday night and telling you not to dance with a hot stranger because he was on cocaine.

You took a deep breath, trying to calm yourself before you really did get yourself fired. “Sir, I appreciate the concern, but I don’t think it’s really any of your business.”

His face hardened at that. “It is exactly my business,” he said, eyes boring a hole through your skull, “to watch out for things that may compromise my team.”

“Compromise your team?” you repeated his words again. “I was dancing, not getting engaged to the guy.”

“Should I allow you to dance with a sexual sadist if it’s just dancing?” he pressed, using the stern voice that usually caused any sort of dissent to whither and die right in your throat.

It didn’t work this time, probably because he was acting fucking insane. “Are you seriously comparing a sexual sadist to a guy who does cocaine while he’s out partying?”

“It’s not just while he’s out partying, by the way he conducted himself, he was a chronic-”

“It doesn’t matter!” you said, nearly yelling now. “You had no right! I'm sorry, what are you, my dad?!”

His eyes flashed at that. “If I hadn’t already had to sit through an 8 hour surgery not knowing if Garcia was going to make it out alive because her date shot her, then perhaps I would have no right. But as it stands, I do. Please be more careful with who you associate with, even if it’s just dancing.”

He spat that last part out, more vitriolic than you’d ever seen him, and stalked back inside. You were left outside in the alley, alone, reeling from confusion surrounding the entire interaction and shock at the emotional charge he’d leveled at you.

Reentering the bar, you saw that Hotch’s seat had been vacated and his jacket was gone. You rolled your eyes, and on your way to the bathroom, nearly ran into Cooper again.

“Hey!” he said. “What was that all about? You good?”

You looked up at his face and for the first time, noticed faint traces of white dust around his nose. He looked keyed up, jumpy - his pulse racing and visible on his carotid. You sighed.

“I’m good. Just not in the mood right now, sorry,” and pushed past him into the bathroom.

Hotch was an emotionally stunted asshole with a control complex, but he was also never fucking wrong.

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asotin · 4 years ago

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tobirama might be madara and other thoughts tobirama doesn't want to have

(i tried to organize this and not to get too repetitive or go on a huge tangent about the details of hashirama and tobirama’s strained sibling relationship beyond the way they tie into tobirama and madara, but it’s a ~3k monster and i am but a simple nerd)

ftr i don’t think that everything here is the correct interpretation of what was happening, but i do think it's how tobirama saw things

to get to why tobirama is shit scared of madara, i think you have to begin with when they’re kids and look at his relationship with hashirama because that’s where the seeds of bad choices to come are planted

tobirama prioritizes hashirama. he can think for himself and doesn’t completely follow hashirama’s directions, but lbr he works within the framework of the things hashirama wants and builds. if hashirama had changed his mind and decided that peace was unattainable, tobirama wouldn’t have left him to start a village on his own. he would have stayed with his brother and kept fighting

madara and hashirama being pulled apart started all the shit, but it was tobirama and izuna who tattled and made that happen

why was tobirama following hashirama in the first place? because butsuma told him to? fuck no. he followed hashirama for the same reason izuna followed madara: his brother has been sneaking off without telling him. hashirama is keeping secrets, even from tobirama

you know what makes you feel like shit? guilt

tobirama made hashirama miserable because he did what he was supposed to do and told butsuma about hashirama’s secret friend (read: he did what a jealous kid does and tattled)

from the start of their friendship, hashirama chose madara. he had to stick with tobirama because they’re brothers, but hashirama wanted madara to be in his life because he liked madara

sure, hashirama chose to die before he chose to kill tobirama but what if those hadn’t been the options? what if madara had told hashirama to choose between madara and tobirama?

both of their younger brothers get killed by madara’s family, but hashirama won’t stop talking about his friend who he should have killed but won’t

tobirama killed izuna like he was supposed to but hashirama won’t kill madara

you know what else feels really bad? the possibility that the brother you love and built your life around might hate you but you can’t be sure one way or the other

hashirama is ready to abandon everything for madara, but he doesn’t really acknowledge tobirama. one of the things tobirama is known for- being a sensor- only comes up later, when hashirama mocks him for not noticing that orochimaru has hashirama’s cells. it's sort of brotherly ribbing but because he's never been shown doing that before or joking with anyone other than madara, it feels more barbed than it normally would

hashirama in general kind of ignores tobirama until they butt heads

maybe it's because there isn't a parallel character to tobirama, but tobirama’s scale of someone’s worth is based on hashirama being at the top, while hashirama doesn't think about tobirama at all outside one moment in the flashback where he thinks about wanting to keep his brothers safe

hashirama, who trusted a stranger because he was playing in a river, doesn’t think much of tobirama, and that’s where the fear starts

why doesn’t hashirama like him? what isn't tobirama seeing?

why can’t hashirama forgive tobirama for telling butsuma?

why was it wrong for tobirama to kill izuna when izuna would have killed him?

madara, who wanted to build konoha and loved hashirama (even if you read it as platonic, if they don’t love each other, what the fuck is up between them bc that relationship wasn’t built on superficial trauma bonding), can be forgiven for turning against the village

why is what tobirama did worse than what madara did?

why does hashirama get so fucked up about madara even though madara tried to kill him, but he gets mad at tobirama for being wary of the people who’ve been trying to kill them (and who they’ve been trying to kill) for generations?

the fear of being replaced by madara is already there, and it only grows as hashirama mourns himself into an early death bc he wouldn’t have done that over tobirama

now add to that what happened when madara turned against konoha. more accurately, what didn’t happen

i’m repeating myself here but if tobirama and hashirama had worked together (if hashirama had called for him to help because tobirama has no business hopping into a throwdown between hashirama and madara and he knew it), they could have subdued madara without killing him (technically madara didn’t die, because izanagi or w/e but they didn't know that). hashirama didn’t want to kill madara. he explicitly, specifically did not want to kill madara and only did after madara pushed him into it

so why didn’t hashirama ask for tobirama’s help? if he’s at the point where he’d kill anyone who threatened the village (which i don’t reeeeeally buy as true bc it feels a lot more like something hashirama told himself to make killing madara less, you know, devastating) wouldn’t he prioritize stopping madara as soon as possible? he never showed any doubt in tobirama’s abilities, so if he wasn’t scared of his brother getting killed, why wouldn’t he call tobirama up?

because he doesn’t trust tobirama

hashirama doesn’t distrust other people. he wants to be friends with anyone. madara was attempting to stir up an insurrection, and hashirama still tried to keep him in the village. but he won’t rely on tobirama

so the fear expands

you know what tobirama doesn’t have? friends. a romantic interest. anything for himself as he grows that isn’t wrapped up in hashirama

this man likes rules. that was how he imagined the ideal ninja world. people make agreements and abide by them

if the founders era is an analog to the sengoku period ie the end of the muromachi period, which it is, then it’s worth noting that at this point in its history, real world japan was transitioning from the system of multiple heirs to a single heir. that wasn’t necessarily the oldest, but when one of your kids is a fucking brick shithouse with a kekkei genkai that’s never occurred before but rebellious and the other one is a genius who would be willing to follow through on your family’s blood feud but a) is loyal to his brother and b) has the charisma of a clammy handshake, who are you picking?

no way did tobirama expect to be made heir and imo he wouldn’t have wanted to be. hashirama is good at being the emotional leader and rallying people bc they like him. tobirama isn’t that interested in being the powerful one bc he’s more of a kingmaker

but you know it occurred to him that butsuma should want him to be the heir. hashirama isn’t exactly reliable and he sure doesn’t want to kill uchihas. tobirama would and he’d do it well

even the he doesn’t actually want the role, when you’re like 16 and your brother who you think is naive and lbr incompetent gets picked- something nobody does bc tobirama is, you know, a dick- it’s going to feel significant

so the fear grows more. he doesn’t want to be the head of the clan, but if he’s the one who could carry out butsuma’s plans, why is he still the second choice?

speaking of butsuma and childhood trauma, it’s kind of interesting that tobirama winds up dealing with uchihas the same way he defused butsuma, philosophically

in terms of their behavior, to a traumatized kid who never made any uchiha friends, uchihas could resemble a certain senju, you know?

volatile, self-prioritizing, self-cannibalizing (fighting within the clan, not literal flesh eating), powerful by standing on the backs of others (no way was fugaku the first to think 'i'll show my kid what mass death looks like and that will make him strong.' the sharingan awakens through painful experiences, and uchihas are even more obsessively devoted to their clan than tobirama is to his. but paradoxically, they were ready to double down on inbreeding and blinding themselves to use izanagi, so they wouldn't be above deliberately exacerbating the trauma their kids couldn’t escape anyway for the sake of getting an edge)

to an adult tobirama, the uchihas sure could seem like a clan of butsumas, huh

how did tobirama deal with butsuma? he got in between him and hashirama. and how did butsuma react? he left to cool down (but i’d bet he never really repented, esp bc hitting hashirama wasn’t surprising to any of them)

what does tobirama do with the uchihas? he gets in between them and konoha. if they’re angry with him, they aren’t angry at konoha. he gives them something else to focus on- and tobirama likes rules, so it isn’t that much of a reach to say he’d think that being trusted to be the people keeping the peace was actually an honor- and relocates them. now they can cool off (but their fundamental nature will never really change)

i definitely don’t think most of that is conscious, but you know. he didn’t trust his father and if that’s who he relates the uchihas to, that’s fertile ground for another type of fear

butsuma was fine letting tobirama’s brothers die. what’s to stop the uchihas from letting konoha die?

konoha is entrusted to tobirama. again, though, he isn’t hashirama’s first choice

now he’s afraid of the village falling apart because of madara and his family (read: because tobirama can’t keep them in line) and hashirama’s dream will die because of tobirama

you know what’s a bad idea? fucking around with corpses. you know what else is a bad idea? war crimes. you know what tobirama’s got a lot of? bad ideas

tobirama is intelligent and more concerned with the end result than the way to get there. he has a backwards idea of what protecting people means and a brutal approach to making peace. he loves hashirama (not like madara does but still, you know. he does love his brother)

the major difference between tobirama and madara is the sharingan, which should put madara in a separate class, but the thing is, tobirama is butsuma’s son

you awaken the sharingan by getting hurt. you’re butsuma’s son by learning to do the hurting

there’s a persistent fear that can grow with that knowledge, which i think tobirama wrestled with until he decided it doesn't actually matter- except for the fact that it would matter to hashirama. coupled with the fear that hashirama sees butsuma in tobirama and that’s why he won’t trust tobirama, that isn’t something tobirama could think his way out of

he might be doing the same thing butsuma did, causing harm for nothing

that fear is further compounded by the knowledge that madara would have destroyed everything and tobirama could do the same. without hashirama to argue with him, tobirama can do what he thinks is right. he knows more about making systems that last than hashirama did, so he’s going to put structures into place that will make sure the village survives

the thing is though, tobirama is well aware that madara isn't cruel for the hell of it. he says flat out that madara is dangerous because he loves so much; that intense love got twisted without madara wanting it to be (more below). he let it happen, but he didn’t just choose it

madara isn't just dangerous because he's strong. he's dangerous because he's the only person even hashirama can't just push around and he's personally invested in what he's doing. he believes that what he’s doing is right; he’s invested in being right

he’s following logic. it isn’t good logic by any stretch, but he isn’t just causing chaos just to cause chaos

tobirama follows logic, too. it’s better than madara’s logic because almost anything would be

he’s living his life for the purpose of maintaining hashirama’s dream. tobirama wanted peace, too, but he doesn’t call konoha his dream. konoha is hashirama’s dream. konoha is hashirama's village. tobirama is just trying to make it work

after all, he told butsuma and killed izuna. the least he owes hashirama is the village he wanted. not fun how hashirama would but run better because tobirama knows better

and lbr tobirama is also the second choice for the villagers. constantly standing in hashirama's shadow and feeling the distance between how loved hashirama was and how distantly appreciative the villagers are of tobirama could perhaps be alienating

tobirama can’t protect konoha from madara because he knows he couldn’t beat madara on his own. hashirama and madara know that, too. everybody knows that if it came down to it, a fight between madara and tobirama would go in madara’s favor

madara has the same attitude but about the inevitability of people hurting each other

tobirama can’t control madara. madara can’t control people

the only way to be safe around something you can’t control is to destroy it

tobirama understands madara better than he understands hashirama. hashirama’s dream is impossible. it’s based on thinking people are better than they are. madara isn't right, but he isn't entirely not right

madara was the biggest threat to konoha, and because tobirama isn’t hashirama, he can’t do anything about that except, as the time between hashirama’s and his own grows, understand madara better

this isn’t canonical but it isn’t non-canonical and i think it works so it's going in

tobirama’s palette swap happened because he found out how/why uchihas’ get the sharingan and in his child soldier brain that doesn’t know anything about genetics (but maybe did???), it seemed like a very sound idea to, you know, try to traumatize himself into developing a sharingan as a senju

but he has the wrong ¼ alien’s blood so he doesn’t get the handy dandy cursed eyeballs. what does he get?

obviously, he got his iconic look, tumblr user asotin. you just mentioned the palette swap

i did, and he definitely got his new style. but he got more than that

specifically: a terrifying insight into what uchihas have to feel when they awaken the sharingan. bc he didn’t get the eye upgrade but he did fuck himself up enough to flood his chakra system with pain and turn his eyes red (sadness makes you pale ig? he’s a nerd so maybe he just stayed inside and didn’t eat well. idk and that part is just to enhance how much more he looks like an uchiha than hashirama, who got the ‘be careful who you call ugly in middle school’ bonus)

the amount of emotional distress it took to get there? the shit he had to make himself watch? the things he had to make himself do?

if an uchiha feels that kind of pain just to form the basic sharingan, which isn’t as fucked up as the mangekyo, then please consider how that would feel to a kid whose coping mechanism is repressing

there are rules about what you do in war and in society. tobirama likes rules. tobirama thinks rules will keep peace

so how could he justify violating almost all the rules to make edo tensei? i would like to propose that it isn’t just hypocrisy or machiavellianism taken to an extreme that made it acceptable to him to do everything that must have entailed. i propose that it’s all the fears above and a trauma response that everybody and their grandma knows now but they probably didn’t in the ninja sengoku period:

if you think i’m bad, i may as well be

in his conscious mind, tobirama isn’t bad. he’s necessary. the whole time he’s hokage, he’s doing what needs to be done

in trying to do what a good brother would do, in accepting that there’s something about him that’s malfunctioning, in accepting that his brother will never approve of him, tobirama accidentally became the worst parts of madara

madara did what he did out of love for other people. he’s got the mangekyo and a dead brother. tobirama knows what it’s like to get the first sharingan. how much worse must it feel to get the mangekyo?

tobirama is dispassionate and logical. he isn’t an uchiha. he values kagami and the other, unnamed uchihas who could overcome the curse of hatred, but that's also a condemnation of himself

tobirama couldn't overcome his own hatred. he’s worse than they are, and he knows he is

everything tobirama tried to do better, he made worse. his legacy, the students who carried on his work, nearly destroyed konoha

if hashirama had been forced to choose between tobirama and madara, it would have been better if hashirama had chosen madara. everyone is thinking that

madara betrayed hashirama because he loved so much it turned him against hashirama

tobirama betrayed hashirama because he didn’t have enough love, and every time he’s looked at madara, he’s seen his own inadequacy

#aptxt #naruto #long post #this is such a train wreck and i realized at the end that i only needed the last section and i didn't even need all of that #this doesn't even have the ~800 words cut out the first time lmao #i'm sure i missed some things #the real tl;dr is that tobirama's sense of purpose got too tangled up in what hashirama wanted

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honey-hippie-harper · 4 years ago

Text

Little Nightmare Took a Gun...

ADSFGHSDFGHAJ OKAY, FIRST OF ALL THIS IS A GIFT FOR @chiyuki-hiro BC I SAW @healing-winston-pratt AND OMG, HAPPY BIRTHDAY :’) <3

Just wanted to do something for you :’). I hope you have a GREAT day today! <3 :’) and I know you like Winston, so I figured that...yeah.

I hope you like this <3.

It was mildly based on “Maps” by the Fun Home musical. Happy birthday, again <3 (eat a lot of cake, or whatever thing like to eat during your birthday, and always remember to have fun afsghja <3)

Little Nightmare Took a Gun...

“Captain Chromium must die.”

“Say what?”

“He must die.” While Little Jean...Nova, yes. Little Nova (Jean was a no-no. She didn’t like Jean. She had never liked Jean. If she did, she would’ve told him), spoke, Ingrid was peeling a pineapple, which was yellow, yellow, very yellow. Almost too yellow. It probably tasted like garbage because all the bright fruits had something bad in them.

Winston had something personal going on against that particular pineapple. Threatening him by saying today they would share a pineapple for dinner was one thing, but keeping their word was another.

He was going to call that pineapple Phineas.

Phineas the Pineapple. Yes.

Why were they called pineapples, anyway?

They didn’t look like apples at all.

Weird.

Ingrid kept on peeling the pineapple, using a knife, not staring at Little Nova for a second. She didn’t seem interested. But, again, Ingrid never seemed interested in anything at all, besides her own thing, like...slashing, and cutting and making boom-boom sounds.

Ingrid could create explosions at will, which was a power as pretty as her personality.

Boom-boom.

Kaboom.

That’s why nobody liked her.

Kaboom.

It’s not that the others were interested, either. In fact, Phobia wasn’t even here, because they liked to be out there, scaring people to death, or talking to Ace, because Phobia was nothing but a dirty, dirty, noisy bootlicker, who was made of smoke. Like the smoke from a chimney. Though, they more likely weren’t smoke from a chimney, because if they were, they would be made of bricks.

Ingrid kept on peeling Phineas the Pineapple. Its skin was falling off.

Poor Phineas the Pineapple.

Maybe it had a family, back at home. Maybe it had a wife and two daughters, and one of the daughters was a baby. Maybe it had been the one who had made Ace Anarchy’s helmet, and Ingrid was peeling its skin off. Phineas the Pineapple was dying, and maybe it had an abusive brother back at home who used it as a punching bag, waiting for it to come back so he could abuse him again.

Poor, poor Phineas the Pineapple.

Maybe it had a life.

But Ingrid didn’t care about that, did she?

No, she didn’t. Of course she didn’t.

“I think pretty much everyone here agrees on that. I was asking you why are you bringing that up, if I wasn’t clear enough.” She said, and Little Nova flinched.

She was so little. So tiny and so very small. She didn’t look her age at all.

Maybe it was only the fact she was surrounded by old people, in a meeting she had called in for.

They were gathered in Leroy’s wagon, and Leroy was old, and had a lot of scars, and had no brows and his wagon smelled better than Winston’s but worse than Honey’s, who was also old and was laying on the pillow mountain Leroy used as his bed every night, only to complain about having backache in the morning, like the old man he was.

Honey never complained about having backache, but she was always in pain, and her face often looked like a racoon, with all that black liquid running down her cheeks.

Leroy was drinking something from a bottle, while Honey played a boring game in a cellphone they kept in the tunnels. Little Nova had stolen it from someone and it was full of cat pictures. Pictures of very ugly cats, to Winston’s taste. Yuck.

“I mean now. Captain Chromium must die now.”

Captain Chromium must die.

Like that creepy song.

That creepy old song Winston hated.

Lizzie Borden took an axe…

“Now? As in: At this very moment?” Ingrid stopped murdering Phineas the Pineapple for a second and, nonchalantly, cracked her neck by placing one hand at the side of her head, and the hand she had the knife on by her chin. “Do you expect us to break into his house and just..?”

“No.” Little Nova cut her off. She was sitting in the center of the wagon, cross-legged. If she moved her hand a little, she would’ve touched Honey, because the space was limited.

It was like living inside of a cocoon, but less fun, Winston supposed.

At least caterpillars knew they would be pretty when they managed to escape the cocoon.

No.

At least they had the chance to escape the cocoon at some point.

“What I mean, in case I wasn’t being clear…”

“You weren’t.”

“We should start putting the plan together…”

Lizzie Borden took an axe…

“Revenge shouldn’t be denied. It’s their fault my parents are gone. It’s their fault Evie is gone. It’s their fault we’re trapped down here. Like sewer rats...”

And gave her mother forty whacks…

“And you should just let me do that. I’m old enough. I’m ready to do it…It’s what I’ve been raised for, isn’t it?...”

When she realized what she had done…

“All my life, you’ve been preparing me for this. To avenge them. To avenge us. To avenge Ace. My uncle. I’ve been training the majority of my life. Why can’t you just let me get this over with already?”

“Do you have any idea of what are you supposed to do, Nightmare? Do you have the faintest idea of what it takes?”

“Yes.”

She gave her father forty-one.

Little Nova.

Oh, Little Nova. Dearest Little Nova.

Nightmare.

Dearest Little Nightmare, which she liked more than Jean but hated more than Nova.

But Little Nightmare was okay.

If it wasn’t, she would’ve told him. He had taught her that. He had taught her to let people know when she was uncomfortable. Because they were friends.

They were friends.

They were.

Right?

She held Ingrid’s gaze, fiercely, though Winston could see her knuckles shaking, as if she were very cold.

In retrospect, maybe she was cold, and it was pretty shitty of them to have her here without a blanket, because she was a child who happened to be cold. Hence, she needed a blanket.

Why wasn’t anybody bringing a blanket for her?

Like, Winston would’ve done it, but he didn’t know where Leroy kept the blankets, and if he tried to look for them, then they would scream at him and he didn’t want to be screamed at today, because that was rude and rude people put Winston in a bad mood, which was rude too.

Putting people in a bad mood was rude.

Little Nova...Nightmare kept on looking into Ingrid’s eyes.

“What’s your plan, then?” Ingrid smiled sideways.

It wasn’t a question, but a dare, because Ingrid was being as rude as she would’ve been if she had screamed at Winston.

Little Nightmare’s scarred brow quivered.

“We shoot him in the eye.”

“Your real plan, Nova. I refuse to believe you’re that big of a dumbass. What kind of answer is that?” Ingrid mocked her, going back at torturing Phineas the Pineapple, who would be eaten for dinner because, indeed, they were living down here like sewer rats.

Something was rotting, just like down in the sewers.

“We shoot him in the eye.” Little Nightmare repeated herself, this time in a voice that didn’t sound like hers’, but like the voice of a firm and scary persona instead.

Leroy did pay more attention to her, and so did Honey, whose fingers stopped moving through the screen. Ingrid kept on peeling, but she directed a glare towards Nova, to tell her she was listening...and, as for Winston…

He was already listening way before Little Nightmare became grey.

“Do you think I’m kidding?” Little Nightmare scoffed. “Or are you dumb enough to believe he also has chrome in his eyeballs?”

“Woah.” Ingrid laughed, arching an eyebrow in a sharp way. “You call me dumb one more time, and it’s over for you, kid.”

“I’m not a kid anymore.”

“You won’t be alive anymore if you call me dumb again, either.”

A dark shadow passed through Little Nightmare’s face, as she straightened her back, in an attempt to look bigger. Or braver. Or to compensate something that, at the moment, she didn’t have.

“I think his eyes would work.” She rephrased it, as if it hadn’t been clear enough before. “Eyes are a sensible area, and nobody has ever tried to go for the eyes. If we try to shoot him there, it could work. The impact of the bullet or the venom will enter his system, going through the chrome layer, and it will later reach his brain, which will be enough to kill him.”

And, with that being said, Winston realized how funny this whole situation was.

More than funny, it was hilarious. More than hilarious, it was hysterical.

It was every single fun thing at the same time, which caused Winston to scoff. And the scoff turned into a giggle. And the giggle turned into a chuckle. And the chuckle turned into a wheezing laugh.

Wheezing, wheezing, wheezing.

Like he was out of air.

“What are you even laughing at now?”

What wasn’t he laughing at now.

Everyone was just so funny.

But there was something right there, building at the back of Winston’s brain, kicking his way out, demanding to be expressed.

Do it, Winston.

Do it, do it, do it.

And he did, because his recurrent question always was: What would Hettie do in this situation?

Hettie would’ve spoken, obviously.

Hettie was loud. Hettie often told him to speak. Winston liked Hettie.

Sometimes.

“Little Nightmare took a gun…” He wheezed again. “Shot the Captain forty times...when she realized what she had done...she shot the Warden forty-one.”

Little Nightmare frowned in disgust, because disgust was Little Nightmare’s favorite emotion. A few years ago, it was joy and sadness. But not now.

Now, Little Nightmare was always disgusted.

It almost seemed like she liked to be disgusted.

To be disgusted at him.

To be disgusted at everyone.

Her expression always said ew.

Winston wished it wasn’t like that.

“I’m...not even going to try to decipher what the fuck you're talking about now.” Honey started getting up, getting on her knees on top of the pillows, while trying to comb her curls with her fingers. Though, at this point, they didn’t really look that much like curls, because her hair was greasy. Little Nightmare’s was too, and that’s why she had tried to tie it, though the greasy locks of hair were constantly in her face. Leroy’s looked greasy too, as well as Winston’s. Ingrid was doing just fine. According to her, washing it daily was more damaging than it was beneficial for her type of hair.

Winston still held faint memories of the day Honey forced Leroy and him to drag a stolen bathtub down here, into the tunnels. The bathtub was still there, and sometimes they used it, by turns, when they managed to convince Winston to drag buckets of water from the surface, one by one, until it was enough to fill the bathtub. Leroy had become lazy over time, and wouldn’t help. In fact, he would refuse to help.

He also had faint memories about the nightly trip to the lake, many, many years ago...or maybe it had been two years ago. Or two days ago. Or a few days ago, though that wasn’t possible, because everyone’s hair was greasy, and it wouldn’t be greasy if they had been at the lake. Maybe it had been a few weeks ago. Maybe it hadn’t happened at all, and Winston had made it up because he could.

He remembered having gone to the lake when the sun was setting, taking their self-care stuff with them, to use the lake as their personal bathtub. Little Nightmare’s towel remained on the floor until she got out of the water. The same water Winston didn’t get into, because he didn’t feel like it. Because he didn’t like it. Because there were too many people in there, including Little Nightmare herself, obviously.

She knew how to swim and, conveniently, she was also very short, so she had to swim in order not to drown. Ingrid was helping her wash her hair, violently scratching her scalp with her fingertips like she would’ve washed a piece of clothing by hand, until Little Nightmare...Little Nova, took a fistful of foam from her own head and slapped Ingrid with it, telling her to stop that shit (very, very nasty vocabulary. Very unkind. Not pretty. Not cool). Ingrid then defended herself, and Honey was next, while trying to separate them, because Ingrid went ahead and threw water at her, because water directly thrown into a witch’s face was enough to melt her (Winston, to this day, wondered if she was serious about it. Melting witches with water sounded fun).

Winston heard the splashing of water. The screeching. The groaning. The screaming. The screaming he later realized was laughing.

They were laughing, even when Honey fell backwards and Ingrid barely managed to catch her by the arm and pull her forward before she could dive deep into the water.

Leroy, who was next to Winston (or maybe he wasn’t. He didn’t know if the memory was true or not), asked what was happening in there when he heard the silence. Little Nightmare then laughed again. And they laughed, even Honey, as she washed the swollen scratch Ingrid’s nails had left on her skin so it wouldn’t get infected, expressing how unfunny the whole situation was while laughing her head off.

That had been funny.

Very funny.

Winston would’ve liked to be a part of it, while not wanting it to be so at the same time.

But if the memory was true, then he knew he had been part of the s’mores, with the tiniest bit of chocolate and old cookies that, fortunately, didn’t taste as bad as they looked.

When the weather became colder, they went back to the tunnels, wrapped up in blankets. And Winston remembered fun.

Though he didn’t know what the source of fun had been, nor why they had decided not to talk about how they had had fun while showering in the lake.

They didn’t go to the lake anymore these days. And since Winston refused to fill the bathtub on his own, they didn’t bathe there anymore, either. Everybody showered at night, travelling half an hour, once or twice a week, to an old gas station that had showers. In Winston’s case, not always.

No, not always. He didn’t like it.

And half an hour was too much.

Too much.

“But I must say, I’m impressed.” Honey continued, giggling gracefully. “Sometimes it’s a good thing you don’t sleep, Nightmare. Imagine if you did. I feel you would be the type of gal who would wake up in the morning and just say ‘Wow. I’m going to come up with a way to kill myself that is so dumb…’

“Kill myself?” Little Nova...Nightmare, Nova, Nightmare, spat. “Dumb?” She dragged the words out of her mouth again, this time twice as annoyed and mad.

“How...how is that dumb? Isn’t this what I’ve been training for? To take down the Council? To kill Captain Chromium in order to take down the Council? To help my uncle? The only person who’s been there for me? The only person who ever cared about my family?” Little Nova hissed.

Caring.

Everybody wanted to be cared for.

She, in particular, needed and craved to be cared for.

Winston cared.

He did.

Hadn’t he been clear enough?

How clear did you have to be to care? Maybe clear as glass, or maybe as clear as unpolluted water, or as an unpolluted sky. When he was younger, Winston read somewhere that there were places where the sky was so clean the Milky Way could be seen at night.

Maybe you had to be one of her parents for her to finally notice you cared, and Winston wasn’t. David and Tala were, and they both happened to be dead as fuck at this point.

Caring, caring, caring.

Dead.

Bang.

Winston didn’t know where Tala was, but he was pretty sure David was in the Milky Way.

Maybe they could go together and look for him in the Milky Way.

"The Renegades took everything from me. It's my turn to take everything from them. We have to take Gatlon back and give it right back to the person it belongs. My un--"

"Hey, Nova?"

As her train of thought crashed against a dead end, Little Nova flinched and stared at him. Her frown was deep as the ocean.

Deep, deep.

Very deep.

She was disgusted.

"What?"

"Don't you wanna run away to New Mexico?"

She was frowning so deep her forehead was turning yellow; yellow as Phineas the Pineapple, and Phineas the Pineapple's blood was bright yellow. But Little Nova and Phineas the Pineapple weren't the same people, which didn’t make sense for many reasons, though Winston couldn’t think of any

Was everything inside of Phineas the Pineapple that yellow? Probably.

Maybe Phineas the Pineapple had yellow insides. Its lungs were yellow, its ribs were yellow, its stomach was yellow, its intestines were yellow, its heart was yellow.

Heart.

Little Nova had a heart too.

Winston wondered where she had inherited her heart from. Did it look more like Tala's or David's?

He could never answer that.

But he knew it didn't look like Ace's.

Little Nova's heart wasn't that empty.

Sometimes it was, when she stared at Winston like that.

But it wasn’t important, because Winston always forgave her, even if she never said sorry.

She didn’t need to.

"Are you making fun of me, Winston?"

"He is, yeah. Of all of us, actually. Why New Mexico?"

Little Nova's gaze shifted to Honey, who was still knelt down on the pillows, but this time she was smiling, as Ingrid arched an eyebrow and Leroy rolled his eyes.

"There are plenty of prettier places we could run away to, not New Mexico. We're not that desperate."

"We aren't?" Leroy crossed his arms over his chest. "Are you sure about that?"

“What do you mean we are?”

“What do you mean we aren’t?”

Winston’s eyes danced from one side to the other. First to Leroy, then to Honey, then to Leroy again.

Little Nova, on the other hand, was only glaring at Honey, because people were too used to choose who could do wrong and who couldn’t. Everyone had their person whom they thought could do no wrong. In Nova’s case, it wasn’t Winston.

In Winston’s case, it was Nova.

Little, little, tiny Nova.

They were friends.

They had been, at least.

Not so long ago.

Well…

Winston hoped it hadn’t been that long ago.

Sometimes everything seemed to be happening at the same time, and it was either too fast or awfully slow, with any sort of in between.

“We could leave the country. I travelled to Mexico with Leroy once. It was lovely.”

“You’re globally known, in case you don’t remember.”

“Pssh. Nobody cares, little Nightmare. Literally nobody but the Renegades care, so don’t let that haunt you. Still, we can live in confinement, if you like.”

Little Nightmare was so mad she was starting to pinch her own arm. Pinch. Pinch. Pinch. As if she were made of dough.

“It’s better than crappy tunnels with no water, if you ask me.”

“And what about Ace?” Little Nova challenged her, but before she could answer, Leroy took the words out of her mouth.

“We put him in the trunk so we can force him to come with us. He likes trunks. I don’t think he has any problem with being in one himself.”

“And how are you planning to illegally cross? Because I suppose…”

“We take him out and we carry him. He’s pretty underweight. At this point, even Ingrid weights more than him.”

“He’s also kinda ill. Maybe he won’t even make it. And if he does, then we get him a feeding tube so he takes his meds. If he fights, we…”

“Stop. Now you’re talking bullshit.” Little Nova seemed to be trying to remain calm, but her entire everything was quivering, along with her willpower not to lose her chill.

“Just trying to educate you.” Leroy said, shrugging, nonchalantly. “That whole plan sounded like plain nonsense and gibberish, didn’t it?”

Little Nova clicked her tongue, chuckling a little, sarcastically.

“What could possibly make you believe that, Leroy?”

“Then, you answer my question now.” He declared in a hoarse, monotonous voice. “How are you planning to shoot Captain Chromium in the eye?”

Winston didn’t understand the question, mostly because the Mexico plan did make sense, and it could work.

They just were explaining it wrong. There were too many elements in the picture. Too many, and they couldn’t fit each one of them in there. Some had to go and that was just the plain truth.

They didn’t need Ace.

Winston wasn’t sure why, but he knew they didn’t. A thought that only became stronger when Ingrid decided this wasn’t interesting enough for her to pay attention to it, and so she returned to her task of mutilating poor, harmless Phineas the Pineapple. Swish. Swish. Swish.

Swish. Swish. Swish.

Everything was yellow.

A nasty shade of yellow.

It reminded him of Ace, to a certain extent.

Not Phineas the Pineapple.

The knife.

Caring, caring, caring.

Was he the one who cared about Little Nova?

Was he, for real?

Was he?

Because if he was, then Winston couldn’t find a reason why.

And if he couldn’t find a reason why, it must mean they didn’t need to take him with them at all.

Phineas the Pineapple was too kind to be Ace, but at the same time, it was so yellow that Winston could tell it was rotting inside, if not already rotten. Just like Ace.

Simultaneously, he was the knife. But the knife would’ve been nothing if Ace had been the pineapple.

Because if Ace had been Phineas the Pineapple, then he would’ve swallowed the knife.

He would’ve swallowed Ingrid too.

How nasty.

How awful.

“It’s not the same thing.”

“It is, Nova.”

“IT’S NOT! YOU JUST WANTED TO MAKE ME MAD!” Little Nova was red.

Skies, she was so red. And she was also blue. And she was purple.

“If we were to run away, I would’ve made sure EVERYONE could come, just like I’m going to manage to make this plan work!”

“What plan?” Honey spoke this time. Her glossy lips arching into a smile, and her nail on her chin, barely touching her skin at all.

“Uhm?” She hummed, when Little Nova was left with no response. “What plan, sweetness? We’re all ears.”

What plan, indeed?

Because, to put it lightly, Winston was lost. He didn’t know what plan they were referring to now. He didn’t know if they were talking about the running away plan, or the Captain Chromium plan. Either way, he liked running away better.

Again, everything would fall into place if they just left Ace here.

They didn’t need him.

Little Nova didn’t need him as much as she thought she did.

As for Captain Chromium…

As for the caring part…

As for the everything part…

Following Little Nova’s logic...Following Little Nightmare’s logic, also…

Somebody must die.

On that, they were on the same page.

But for all he cared, knowing Little Nova was among that “all”, Winston knew that someone wasn’t the Captain.

A little, maybe.

But not as much as Little Nova thought.

First they had to dive deep into the issue. Deep as they could.

Then, they had to scratch on the details, like panicked stray cats.

Then, they had to look into what they could see, and find a way to see what they couldn’t.

There were some things Little Nova didn’t know, not just about life, or about the surface, or about them, or about herself.

There were things Little Nova claimed she knew, when in reality she didn’t and that was dangerous and blinding like a burning, endless flame that was destroying all her insides, piece by piece, limb by limb, organ by organ.

First, she had to look into the right direction, which was also the one she refused to look into.

Then, Ace Anarchy had to die.

Ace Anarchy must die.

Because Phineas the Pineapple had a wife and two daughters.

Ace Anarchy must die.

He must die, die, die.

Harder than he had died before.

“Who’s gonna tell her?”

Because, if not them...who?

All the eyes directed towards him, again.

They weren’t happy.

Maybe they knew what Winston was talking about, which made him happy, but not that much.

He didn’t like it when people stared at him like that. Why was everyone so rude all the time?

Just...why?

“What did you say?” Nova asked.

Nor carefully, or slowly.

She just asked, in a very Little Nova way.

Fast and impatient.

“I said: Who’s gonna tell you?”

“Who’s gonna tell me what?”

“That’s exactly why you should know.” He sang, giggling and rocking himself back and forth, crossing his legs and grabbing his ankles. Little Nova seemed annoyed, Leroy was just staring, and Honey was massaging the bridge of her nose, with her eyes closed.

Ingrid, on the other hand, was squeezing the knife. Phineas the Pineapple was dead next to her, in a nasty old bowl.

Winston tilted his head to the side, staring directly at said bowl, containing Phineas the Pineapple’s dismembered corpse.

The unreclaimed grave said “Tala Artino & Evelyn Artino”, which should mean they had put Evelyn back into Tala’s stomach. David’s grave was next to it, alone. They hadn’t put any baby inside of him, because the other baby was standing right here, staring at Winston with hate.

The space around those graves was small.

Winston would’ve drawn a circle around the two, the same shape as that bowl, which was now Phineas the Pineapple’s resting place, and that would’ve been enough. They would’ve fit perfectly, the three of them.

But, no matter what they did, they would be still part of another, bigger circle, in which Little Nova was trapped too, alongside Little Nightmare.

“He’s the center of a circle.” Winston concluded, smiling widely. “...but I…” He raised a finger.

“...I can draw a circle. I can draw a smaller circle…” He formed a circle with his thumb and his index, and placed it around his right eye. “...around him...and I can trap him there, like a mouse....”

Little Nova’s expression became sharper.

“...And when I trap him in that circle...his whole life will fit inside.”

And they would all be free.

But he wasn’t going to tell her that.

“The spot where they...died…” Winston placed both his hand right in front of him, trying to calculate the distance by imagining the scale. “....is south….”

The bird nest was south.

Though, as far as Winston understood, the space in the building where the bird nest was located had been sealed, because nobody wanted to live with ghosts.

“....he absorbed their lives too. Yes. We could draw a circle around you too, Little Nova. If only you knew.”

And the sound of the bees right behind him made him straighten his back, to avoid the stingers, but the coldness and wetness overshadowed that sensation.

Upon lowering his gaze, he saw the sharp, shiny blade in which his chin was resting on.

Ingrid’s brown eyes were feeding from his soul, as the gunpowder odor emanated from her, and her knuckles became pale.

Yet, the only thing Winston could focus on, was the smell of rotting pineapple juice, impregnated on the blade.

Phineas the Pineapple.

“Don’t slash my throat with that knife, Ingrid.” He said, in an extremely high-pitched voice. “It’s already bleeding.”

He saw the fear, and saw the terror of the moment Ingrid understood. And as the knife fell to the ground, she came closer. Her cold, calloused hands around his throat, and his hands around her wrists.

“And you’re going down with them.” She whispered.

Then Leroy lifted her up.

That didn’t relief nor annoy him.

He knew he wouldn’t die today. And, certainly, not to Ingrid’s hands.

But a part of him did die, when his eyes laid on Nova, who was now faintly touching Honey’s hand, which at the same time was placed on her shoulder, running her thumb through her skin.

“Get out.” She said.

“Get out.” She commanded.

“Get out.” she pleaded.

And if she didn’t want to see, then there was nothing Winston could show her. Nothing at all he could do for her.

But Little Nova would know someday.

And when she knew, Ace Anarchy would fall.

Winston would wait for that day.

Winston would wait for her.

Because, fortunately, a circle was not enough to fit Little Nova’s life inside yet.

#renegades trilogy #marissa meyer #my fanfics #dawnie writes #winston pratt #the puppeteer #nova artino #nightmare #ingrid thompson #the detonator #honey harper #queen bee #leroy flinn #cyanide #alec artino #ace anarchy #this takes place between a six months and a year before the trilogy btw

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bakugoubabygirl · 4 years ago

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okay before I start she going to choose one. Don't worry if its not the one you wanted her to choose bc its going to be a Roller coaster of emotions and a lot of back and forth for awhile BC I FUCKING LOVE BOTH OF THESES BOYS. also there will be smut soon and it wont be vanilla .

YOUR POV

"Lets go before they find us" I whispered tugging on Bakugou arm. He didn't say a word and followed me. " Lets get some food at the stand" I gave him smile. Bakugou followed me he seem kind of moody though more moody then usual . " Are you going to say yes?" Was he asking about tododroki. I didn't give much thought to that . I like him a lot but if I was being honest with myself i had feelings for someone else. " I dont know I like him a lot and i think it would be amazing. But i also think I have feelings for someone else. To be fair they haven't shown no sign of returning this feeling. Maybe I ought to say yes and forget about the other guy like that" I admitted. " Who is this other guy" He asked. Why was he so damn interested and how can i tell him its him. "Not telling" I felt my face getting red. Next thing I Knew I was getting pinned against a wall. " Tell me" He growled. Why was this bothering him so much. If only he knew that telling him would ruin our friend ship . He would never look at me the way I look at him. because I was made to be the villan. Bakugou strive to be perfect at everything and I was not perfect. " Bakugou Its you stupid" Then I broke free from his grasp . I didn't want t o know his reaction or have him mocked me. I hurried and disappear into the crowd. Still haven't found any thing to eat my tummy started growl. When I heard my name being called out, The next thing I knew someone dragged me off somewhere quite. I'm so sick of being pulled around today. It was my dad, Honestly I was relived that it wasn't Bakugou . " Hey I know you and how your going to give it all but You need to make sure your head is clear. Ive been studying and your powers feed off you emotions. I want to make sure you have a clear head" he said worriedly . OH god I'm screwed my head is far from clear. " Yeah I'm not focusing on anything right now except for winning" I said and I fake smiled. " that's Great I Know your going to make me proud. I may be rooting midoryia but Your my number one and I hope you win more." He smiled. Pulled me and for a hug. " Thank you dad and don't worry Ill cut all there throats open" I laughed. Then it was time to to go back to the arena. Time to face bakugou mental and physical . I think mentally would be harder to do. Midnight call me and bakugou to fight first. I try not to think about what had conspire between us earlier. I need to focus to keep my head cleared. We both step into the ring. Bakugou goes to attack me and I dodge it just in time. Then I Blast one of my purple fire balls at him and he dodge to . This was really upsetting, and I Take one of my shadow hands out and it wraps around his body. I started to think about how he never loses. He was perfect and every way and would make a fine super hero one day. something you'll never be the voice was back again.

Bakugou POV

She had her hand wrapped around me. I had to escape and then I saw Her starting to levitate off the ground. Her eyes flash purple there was a gasp from the crowd. She slam hard into the ground with the shadow hand. She was Going to kill me. I jump up and fired another explosion at her this time using more force. She shield it and then made a big shadowy fist at the ground causing it to erupt . I almost fell but then I caught my balance. This time I used my full force now that I knew it wouldn't hurt her too bad. The explosion was so big she couldn't shield it. She was on the ground and lay there for several of seconds. I walked over her to see if I have won and if she was okay. She started to get back up again and she grabbed a whole of me again. She grabbed me so tight with the shadow arm I couldn't breath. My face started to turn purple I was pretty sure I was going to die. The crowed was screaming to let me go But she wouldn't listen. " Y/n Please let me go I cant breathe" I try to say but she didn't hear or listen. She wouldn't do this on purpose. Something was seriously wrong . this was not her. " Y/n Please I love you" at that point I didn't fucking care if the whole crowed thought I was a simp . I love her and I need her to came back. Her eyes turn back to e/c when I said that. " Bakugou" she gasps and then dropped me. I could barley move I'm pretty sure she won but she just stared at me. Her eyes started to tear up. " I give up" she yelled. Then ran out of the arena . They announced me winner and The nursing girl came to heal up my minor wounds. I was livid that I won that way. She threw the fight.

Y/N POV

I Brought shame on my dad and my school. I brought shame on myself. The whole world watch it happen too. They watch me turn into a monster. I almost killed bakugou and He never going to want anything to do with me again. I sat outside the stadium on the ground. I'm no hero I cant even go and face what I done. I must of sat there for hours and hours. It was finally dark and everyone left. it started to pour down rain. I decided to go back into the arena to pick up my bag and stuff. It was dark except for a couple security lights. I found my bag when I heard a familiar voice. " Tch where did you go?" Bakugou asked. Was he still talking to me. " heard you won congratulation" I gave him a smile. The air was so cold I could see my own breath.

BAKUGOU POV

" THATS NOT HOW I WANTED TO WIN" he yelled. " YOU GAVE UP THAT FIGHT WAS YOURS" " I almost killed you . I was created for one reason and one reason only. The whole now know so to. I let you guys down and I let my dad down. How can I be the princess of peace when I cant even find peace in my own head. I'm done," I said tears started to pour out my eyes. " IF i was the bad guy you would of won. Your powerful and just because its hard your going to pack up then Your not who I thought you were " he scoffed. " I almost kill you and maybe next time I will. I care about you too much for that to happen" I cried. I started to turn away. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me agaisnt him. " I know you wont. You stop because your good and you over came it. we just have to work on it. Please stay if not for yourself then the million you could save with that power. " I dont know how I stopped myself. All I remeber is blacking out and then waking to see me almost killing youself." I explain. " I said something to you and then you just snapped out of it" He said nervously . " Oh well what did you say" I asked. This could help me find the answer. " I told you I Love you" He blushed. This was a side of him I never seen before. I think im falling to. Todoroki was important to me but in the end bakugou been here. I wasnt sure if I was ready to say it back. I grabbed his face and kiss him. He started kissing back first it was soft but then its starts to get more rough and passionate. He grabbed my ass and pulled me agaisnt him. despite the freezing rain , I felt warm. He pulled away but remain eye contact with me as he pulled something out of his of his jacket. It was a small box and he handed it to me. " I wanted to give this to you when I ask you out after I won the festival correctly . That didn't go as I plan but I still want to win your heart. please accept this and be my girl. I never done this soft shit and I'm sorry if it not something I'm going to show everyday. Your worth taking my pride down a little I guess" His face was red. I open it up and it was a sliver bracelet with his name on it and diamonds. It was beautiful and way too much. I had no idea what to say. " Yes Ill be yours" he pulled me into a tight hug. " lets go to my place you need to get out of the rain and getting late" he said gently. It almost scared me the way he was being so kind. Bakugou POV We arrived at my place. She look like she was about to past out. Today was a lot on all of us. I didn't really won the sports festival but at least I won the girl. I just got to keep that damn icy hot away from her. I wanted to rip the necklace off of her that he gave her. She mine now. " Hey you stupid bitch your late" my mom bitch. No good job bakugou or nothing. " Fuck you too hoe" I said back flipping her off. She was about to really yell, until she saw Y/n come in after me. " Hey Y/n nice to see you again. I saw you tonight you should of just kill him and not worry about it' she laugh. The fucking old hag meant as a joke. Y/n face turn white though. I grabbed her hand and lead her up to my bedroom. She seem like she was still half in a daze. " Lets get out of these wet clothes. You can wear anything of mine for now." I said awkwardly. I knew we were dating but I didn't know her boundaries . There so much I want to do with her. She needed sleep tonight though. we both did. she started to strip off in my room. Oh, she wasn't paying attention to anything really. I couldn't help but to watch in amazement though. She took off her clothes and strip down till she was naked. I had to use all my self control to not do anything. then she put on one of my T-shirts that looked like a dress on her and then a pair of my boxers. I strip down to nothing and but my boxers and laid on my bed. " come here princess" I yawned. She crawled into bed and laid on top of me. She feel asleep instantly but then here phone started going off. I Pick it up and looks at it. Deku: hey are you alright. Me and your dad are really worried. Damn deku fucking worrying about my girl. I didn't want to give her a dad the pro hero a reason to hate me though. Me: yeah I'm fine just staying at a friend house. I'm really sleepy so I'm going to go to bed. Then there was other messages on the screen so I looked. Todo: hey Y/n I'm so worried about you. When you see this please answer and I was wondering if we could meet up tomorrow to talk about today and I have something I wanna ask you. I hope your safe and sleeping well beautiful. Oh hell no. She mine and he going to back the fuck off. I took a pictures of her sleeping on my chest and I sent it. Me: she mine and she sleeping fine thank you. Back the fuck off she mine now!!!!!! Todo: I see for now that may be it. I don't give up and I especially wont stop until she mine. You well slip and when you do ill be there for her. Your impulsive and abusive and don't deserve her. Me: You come any where near her your dead I blocked his number from her phone. I wrapped my arms tight around her and I pass out. The sun filled the room waking me up. She was still asleep. She was so beautiful and peaceful when she sleep. Her phone started buzzing causing her to wake. " Where my phone" she sat up straight looking for it. I handed it to her. The number didn't have a caller id. She scrunch her nose in confusion. " Hello who is this " she answered. " Todoroki, are you alright?" I heard him answered. Great rich boy has more then one phone. " Yes, what happen to your old phone number?" " Long story, where are you at?" " Bakugou house, why whats wrong?" she asked worriedly " Ill be there In 20" he said and then hung up. " Do you have anything else I can where by chance?" she asked " I think you look fine in that Idiot" I snorted grabbing her wait. " I cant go out like this" she said digging though the bag of mina and kiri clothes that they leave here. " Your not going anywhere with him and no way in hell wearing that" She hold up a short pink dress of mina. Mina was shorter then Y/n so this dress was gonna not cover anything. She took off my shirt and put on the dress anyways not listening to me at all. She grabbed my hair brush and tied it back out her face. she look stunning even though she didn't try and its for him. " I fucking mean it your not going anywhere with him" I yelled. " Chill out you have to trust me. He one of my friends and I'm yours so don't worry" she said try reassuring me. I almost lost her to him though. He going to try all Kinds of flirty shit. I cant be okay with this but I have too. She will leave if I'm too controlling. " One hour then come back" I grumbled. " I have to go home afterwards and talk to my dad" She sigh. She was right even though I wanted some time with her. The door bell ring and I hurried up to open it. IT was half and half baster. " Leave your hands off of her and no flirty shit or I will Murder you" I screamed and then Y/n push me put of the way. I grabbed her and kiss her so fucking hard in front of him. She push me away and laughed. " I'm sorry about him" she said. Walking out of the door with him. I kept trying to talk myself out of following them. I decided to invite shitty hair over to distract me.

IM open up to ideas and or request for my one shot books I'm doing. Thank you for read part 7 will be here Thursday at the latest

#bakougu #bhna #katsuki bakugou x reader #todoroki shoto x reader #bnha shoto todoroki #bakugou x reader #izuku midoria x reader #midoriya izuku #dekubaku #allmight daughter #almight #smut #fluff #angst #lovetriangle #jelouse katsuki

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dreamiehrs · 4 years ago

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nct dream and what games they would play on Roblox

I think I’m pretty certified to say this bc I have been playing Roblox with my lovely friend every morning for almost a week or 2 straight so... yeah. also, someone has probably done this before and I just wanted to say that this is my own original ideas and thoughts about what games they would play in Roblox :) anyways, let’s get into it losers.

[also, big thanks to my amazing wonderful good friend ren aka @dreamzenct for making this adorable header for me!! love u lots also u guys need to check out her blog she is... amazing at writing <3 mwah :D]

mark lee ↬ story game and/or silent assassin

yes, I can see mark playing some dumb ass story game like cruise, vacation, break in, etc.

him and jaem would just spend hours mocking how silly the story games can be sometimes, and even though they criticize the games sometimes, they can’t help but to feel drawn to how silly they were LMAO

would get upset when he would die from something ridiculous in the game... also calling it now that mark is also terrible at parkour. idk I just... feel like he would mess up the momentum of jumping onto stuff or would cut the jump short.

jaemin would literally just laugh at how bad mark is. “mark... I hate to say it, but you utterly SUCK at video games. you’re even worse when you play fps games.”

“yah jaemin... u don’t want me to buy you dinner tonight?”

yeah that gets jaemin to shut up right away LMAOO.

going onto why he would play silent assassin... yeah hyuck would force him to play this wbk this would happen eventually.

would be a not so great assassin at first, but I feel like after a few hours of playing, he would get the hang of it. however, whenever he would be the target he would be killed RIGHT AWAY by whoever the assassin is... in conclusion: mark has no idea what he’s doing most of the time while playing that game SAHDJSADJASHJ

hyuck would troll him so hard about it, too, saying stuff like: “omg learn the controls next time!!” “man, you absolutely suck at getting the briefcases like??? THEY’RE MARKED FOR U DUMBO! HAHA, GET IT? UR NAME IS MARK AND I JUST SAID MARKED- okay I’ll stop now.”

yeah mark would def just end up banning hyuck after he trolls him 500 times and goes back to playing cute but silly story games with jaem.

huang renjun ↬ murder mystery

yes I am still on my renjun detective agenda bullshit!!!!

but honestly I can see renjun rocking everyone’s shit when he’s the guard and absolutely OBLITERATES the murderer.

would probably get angry when he yells at everyone else that the murder is in a room somewhere and no one ends up listening to him.

“GUYS HE’S IN THE GUARD OFFICE!!!” also yes he types in all caps at all times this is renjun we’re talking about here.

then he would end up getting killed by the murderer and would spectate everyone and just yells in chat about how stupid everyone was being.

“GUYS I SAID HE’S IN THE GUARD OFFICE!!! TF ARE U GUYS STUPID???”

also he would be a part of the troll trio containing him, hyuck, and lele. these 3 would be UNSTOPPABLE trolls on roblox and just any games they played on roblox in general.

he would get frustrated when hyuck would just run around him in murder mystery and end up distracting him as he tries to figure out where the murderer is. chenle would just shoot blindly and would end up running off somewhere alone to get killed by the murderer himself.

and yes, he would get on the other players for being terrible murderers and not having any technique for killing ppl on the game. “you guys suck!! do you guys even have a certain technique/strategy on how to kill ppl without getting caught on this game?!”

chenle and hyuck would just laugh their asses off on how serious renjun was about this game like... chill man it’s not that deep LMAO.

I can even see the younger members just pissing him off and teasing him so that eventually renjun just rage quits AHJDDHJAS. chenle would end up just screaming in renjun’s ear and renjun would slam his fist down on the desk in front of him and would just LEAP at chenle irl.

the other members wouldn’t be concerned when they hear a crash come from renjun’s room. they were used to hearing stuff like that from renjun’s room as he’ll occasionally want to just wrestle someone (mainly hyuck or chenle).

but yes, wbk that renjun would EXCEL at murder mystery and just mystery games in general in roblox.

lee jeno ↬ adventure games and/or flee the facility

I feel like jeno would love adventure games so much like??? idk he just seems to be into that type of stuff.

I don’t see him as a rage quitter tbh? like I feel like he’d be so chill with everything going on that he wouldn’t get as angry as renjun does while gaming LMAO

he would just listen to some chill lofi music and just finish quests left and right in his own little world. I can see hyuck just being a little meanie head and creeping up on jeno without him knowing, and yes, jeno would almost spill all of his water onto his laptop when donghyuck does so.

however.... I can TOTALLY see him playing flee the facility with the rest of the dreamies. I feel like he’d especially play it with jaemin bc the 2 of them would be RELENTLESS when they become the beast omg LMAOO

jeno would be all giggly just having a good time and then BOOM jaemin destroys him with his hammer and just drags jeno to one of his freezing capsules LMAOO

jaemin would just be like “jeno~? where are you~?” all creepy like and jeno would just be in a room somewhere using his AMAZING hacking skills to escape (yeah no he messes up at hacking a lot... SAHJDSADJ)

meanwhile, jeno as the beast would act all scary but it wouldn’t intimidate jaemin at all LMAO jaem would be like “HAHA COME AND GET ME LOSER!! OH WAIT, U CANT BC U CAN’T CRAWL UNDER STUFF HAHAAHA- oh shit wait he got me HELP!!”

even though jaem tries to act all tough, he ends up getting killed by the beast, aka jeno, every time jeno is the beast. yes, jeno is just too good at being the beast for his own good.

jaemin would do good, too, but I can see him being better at hacking than jeno. omg just imagine jaemin hacking something and he’s almost done and then SUDDENLY he’s boped on the head by jeno’s hammer and it scares him so badly.

however, I feel like jeno would rope jaemin into playing more adventure games with him and jaemin would def just complain the whole time about how long it takes to walk to get the items for quests. wbk jaem is a huge complainer, I mean, have you heard how much he complains about jisung not wanting to accept his love? LMAO

jeno would just be vibing, though, not even paying attention to jaemin’s complaining and just working on his quests in his time. we love a chill king.

lee donghyuck ↬ silent assassin

again... do I even have to explain my reasoning behind this?

hyuck literally plays Overwatch 24/7 until it’s almost 2 or 3 am at night... so why wouldn’t he do the same but with silent assassin on roblox instead??

I can see him just getting upset when he only gets 4th place in the free for all game mode. he’d be like “dammit not again!! ugh this guy just stole all my kills what the heck!?!”

obviously he would get better at the game bc he would play the shit out of it. he would probably play it 24/7 like he does with Overwatch and would hit level 40 in a few days.

I can see it now, his desk littered with empty redbull bottles as he tells himself he’ll only play one more round of silent assasin... yeah no that was a lie he ends up playing until he’s ready to pass out in his bed.

and ofc johnny would be like “bro wtf why are u so addicted to this game?? get some rest man.”

“no.... I need to... upgrade my weapons more.... I need... MONEY!”

I can also see him forcing mark to play this game with him but lemme tell you something... mark would absolutely suck at this game. I mean, ofc he would get better as time passed but he wouldn’t be as good as hyuck.

when he first was assigned assassin I can just hear him being like “omg how do I move?!?! WHAT SOMEONE JUST KILLED ME!!’

hyuck would just sigh and type in the chat “you suck man learn the controls next time 🙄”

“stfu troll u can’t say anything until u learn the controls for pubg” mark would say back and would accidentally get banned or something for his swearing SAHDASHDJA.

I feel like hyuck would get banned too bc I can DEF see him as a troll alongside chenle. would probably scream dramatically when someone would kill him on the game too and would be an AMAZING assassin.

he would def ambush mark any second he got to as he was the assassin and would probably get the most kills in every game mode. mark would end up rage quitting and then hyuck would say something about mark being such a pansy. (and yes, that’s how hyuck gets banned LMAO mark bans his trolling ass)

na jaemin ↬ where’s the baby and/or daycare

okay so I can def see jaemin forcing jisung to play where’s the baby with him just bc he considers jisung his child... yes jaem loves jisung so much that he’s convinced that he birthed him HJSADHADJ

jisung would always want to be the adult bc he REFUSES to be the baby (mainly bc jaem wants him to be the baby on the game every time)

jaemin would be like “omg lemme take care of u jisung!! omg NO DON’T CHOP OFF MY ARM WTF SUNGIE!?”

jisung would be ruthless while playing with jaemin... he would just want to kill jaemin all the time and jaemin would be frowning about it the entire time.

“you know what, sungie? I’ll let you kill me on this game bc of how much I love you 😚“

“ew no nvm I’m leaving 🤮”

however, I feel like jaemin would be good at the hide and seek mode for where’s the baby. he’d find jisung within SECONDS. I can just imagine jisung hiding in the bush or something and jaemin would just immediately KNOW that jisung would be in the bush like... idk maybe it’s his seventh sense (😏)

also, his sixth sense is that he knows when jisung is hungry, sad, angry, annoyed, all of the above man. yes, he can just sense those things and honestly none of the other members in nct dream understand HOW he can do that. (renjun is convinced that jaem is from a completely different planet and is only here to baby jisung... I mean, he’s not wrong though??? LMAO)

for the reason why he plays daycare... yeah maybe it’s just an excuse to scare jisung with that creepy demon character LMAO. he knows how much of a scaredy cat jisung is, and just loves hearing jisung scream when the demon always spawns near him SHJDASJDH

jaemin knows all the ins and outs of daycare and just abt story games in general... and yes, jisung def eats the poisonous apple and ends up dying right after they escape the daycare SADJASHDJH

I can see jaemin and mark playing story games in their free time, and when one of the younger members join them, they just know it’s gonna be fun when they have no idea what’s going on :D (and when they eat something poisonous)

zhong chenle ↬ tycoon and/or a horror game

so wbk that this nerd would play a tycoon to make even more money than he has right now.

to be specific, he would probably be the richest person on the server and just taunt people with how much money he has.

“oh you guys want this??? a million dollars??? well.... okay I’ll give it to you... SIKE BITCH U THOUGHT!”

he would be the biggest troll ever I’m calling it now.

he would probably end up getting banned for laughing at another user crying about not having enough money on the tycoon game.

“awhhhh you don’t have as much money as me??? haha oh well not my problem 😎😎“ (yes chenle is an avid user of this emoji)

he would have to end up making a new roblox account bc of how he was banned and the guy who he made fun of would end up just chuckling behind his screen about it. (chenle wouldn’t care though LMAO he would still come back and rock that kid’s shit and be the richest person on the server)

I can also see him playing some scary game and roping jisung into it just to scare him shitless.

“OMG JISUNG WATCH OUT THERE’S A DEMON BEHIND U!!! HAHA MADE U LOOK!!!”

cue jisung flinching like a madman to just realize no one was behind him. “lele ur such an ass!!”

however, chenle would also just scream when anything remotely scary happens just to scare jisung even more. jisung would end up rage quiting at this and saying that he’s gonna go to bed instead.

and yes chenle would wake jisung up at 3 am just to scare him with an image from the horror game they played on roblox earlier. you remember how they scared him by setting a cockroach as his home & lock screen on his iPad that one time? yeah just imagine that but with a demon face from a horror game SHDASJDJ.

park jisung ↬ bee swarm simulator

do I even have to explain this???

he would end up getting addicted to the game after chenle had shown it to him one day.

“OMG CHENLE LOOK AT THIS LEGENDARY BEE I JUST GOT OMG OMG!!!”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THE KING BEETLE JUST KILLED ME THIS IS UNFAIRRRRRR!” chenle would just frantically scream into jisung’s ears and jisung swore that one day he would become deaf bc of his best friend.

chenle would show jisung all the tips and tricks on how to be better at the game and next thing u know jisung plays the game almost every day. he also freaks out when his bees get sad bc of the field they’re in and immediately goes back to his hive to feed them and make them feel better.

also jisung’s favorite bee would def be the demon bee.... no I will not elaborate on this.

jisung would treat his bees like his own children, making sure they’re all fed and happy. he would scream whenever he would get a royal jelly and would be obsessed with just hatching random bees all the time.

would def do the most just to upgrade all of his items but he’d do that just so he can fly everywhere and move faster. yes he would want to use his glider everywhere even when he doesn’t need to use it he uses it.

would probably end up getting stuck somewhere on the map and chenle would have to help him LMAOO

he would def complain about how much pollen he would have to collect and then would get distracted by how cute his bees are 5 minutes later. probably ends up playing the game for 4 hours straight without noticing until chenle yells at him to get off so the two of them could eat lunch together. (and dw, ofc he eats well after playing for so long he’s a growing boy <3)

#dreamwritersnet #nct dream imagines #nct dream scenarios #nct dream blurb #nct dream drabble #nct dream headcanon #nct dream fluff #nct dream crack #nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct blurb #nct drabble #nct headcanon #nct fluff #nct crack

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donnieluvsthings · 4 years ago

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anyway i’m still thinkin about roceit newsies au...this got SO LONG its basically a bullet fic of the whole plot at this point but uh enjoy!!! its has all the sides and remy and emile bc i rly wanted to shove them all in here aldkaldka

this is based on the musical mostly bc i have never watched the original movie all the way thru oops

roman is jack and remus is crutchie (thanks boop). remus does crazy stunts even with his crutch and roman is Constantly Worried TM and overprotective of remus even tho remus can DEF take care of himself

on the other hand remus knows roman hates working as a newsboy and just wants to escape to some small town where he can become a local artist of some sort. remus wants roman to go CHASE his DREAMS even tho he’s afraid roman might leave him behind

roman may be the actor but remus is great at coming up with gruesome yet intriguing headlines that get people to buy papers and would totally be a great author of some sort

ON THAT NOTE roman dreams of santa fe and can picture it perfectly but whenever he tries to explain it, it comes out as senseless rambling and longing. it’s remus who can really put into words what roman feels (bc theyre bros and they just GET each other)

virgil as davey, patton as les, logan as sarah (its the musical but they have an extra sibling okay. let me have older brother logan)

virgil and patton show up and virgil is super untrusting and hates that theyre basically lying to get people to buy papers but patton is just EXCITED to meet New People!!! and looks up to roman (and remus), like, instantly

it helps that roman promises to take them to a real actual theater after they sell all their papers owned by the one the only emile picani !!!

also roman is the one who first calls him “virge” which is like jack saying “davey” instead of david. yes this is necessary information

so they sell their papers (and roman briefly meets an ESPECIALLY handsome guy wink wink) and go see emile who performs some variant of That’s Rich like the star he is. u cant take singer emile away from me

roman also performs bc i said so. he spies someone watching him during his act up above the stage and climbs up there when he’s done

janus. its janus, if that wasnt clear or u dont know the plot of the newsies musical aldkaldlal

so yeah janus as katherine!! he may be pulitzer’s son but that doesn’t mean his father wants him to be a journalist. pulitzer thinks he should prepare to inherit the publishing company or be a banker or smth, not be a journalist

i just think janus’ “society is a LIE” vibe fits with katherine. i mean, just look at Watch What Happens. “give life’s little guys some ink,” “they’ll storm the gates,” “rich greedy sourpusses” .... idk it just SCREAMS janus to me

ALSO, katherine technically lies about her identity for like 3/4 of the musical, so

anyway! roman meets janus and janus is all suave and lowkey flirty at first but then roman starts flirting BACK and jan is like “uh oh how to talk to cute boys????”

so then he gets all “i have more important things to do” *hair flip* and goes back to the article he’s supposed to be writing about emile’s theater (a lot of his notes are about roman’s performance but nobody needs to know that shhh)

roman draws a portrait of jan and leaves it there and janus gently & dramatically picks it up, stares at it, and tucks it into his suit with a soft smile

uh oh prices for papers went up! virgil steps up and helps roman lead a strike. turns out his caution works GREAT with roman’s determination and they keep each other from going towards extreme overthinking (virgil) or extreme stupidity (roman). they are a TEAM and they are BESTIES.

remus: lets SET THE PAPERS ON FIRE

roman, starry eyed: HECK YEAH LETS DO IT

virgil: how about we dont do that and instead form a union

and then the twins are like GOOD IDEA and tell everyone else. virgil may be a cautious and untrusting and afraid of public speaking but he has good ideas dangit

the intro to seize the day yknow? virgil says a Good Idea (which can probably be traced back to him always listening to logan rant about his studies) and roman spreads the message in a Firm Rebellion-y way to the other newsies

and patton is there doing his absolute best. he may be small but he knows that this isn’t right or fair to the newsboys and he’s ready to physically fight someone

enter logan who is lowkey really proud of virgil for stepping outside of his comfort zone to do whats right. logan may be scared out of his mind for his little bros but he’s gonna help them as much as he can between college and trying to work side jobs to help their fam

basically logan knows janus and tells him that he should report on the strike bc logan wants to help his bros AND his friend however he can

cue janus seeing his opportunity and TAKING it. he’s gonna write about this strike even if no one else will!!! take THAT, father

he also maybe possibly wanted to see roman again. but roman never needs to know that okay what he doesnt know cant hurt him

seize the day happens!!!! they strike!!!! they r powerful!!! but then no one else from any other sections of new york strike with them and they lowkey get rekt

remus mocks the delanceys but that was a BAD decision cuz now theyre targeting him and he gets taken to the REFUGE

roman is SAD bc his brother’s been taken away, no one showed up to help them strike, his brother’s been taken away and he just wants to get OUT of there. run away to santa fe, his ideal world, but he can’t even articulate that because his brother is gone

how is that just act one. how have i written so much yet left out so much???

remus is at the refuge and he’s a little more scared, now, that roman really will just leave him behind even though he knows deep down that roman would never.

still. he writes roman a letter and maybe he goes into a little too much detail about his injuries and the refuge but hey, that’s remus. he writes about how maybe they can run away to santa fe together. he signs it “your brother” and i CRY because they are the best bros

roman reads it and ALSO cries. especially because there it is, the description of santa fe he can never come up with by himself. remus rly does know him, huh

total scene change: janus finds the other newsies (and logan) in a restaurant? bar? and is like “!!! ur on the FRONT PAGE on my newspaper” which i just decided is called the snake instead of the sun

virgil didn’t totally trust janus would follow thru at first but now he’s convinced. they did it!!!! theyre on the front page!!!! the world WILL know!!!!

cue tapdancing!!!!!! king of new york is an absolute bop. i need logan tapdancing daintily and then janus LAUNCHING into some complex tap routine bc the newsies think he too will dance daintily

i know they wouldnt,,, actually dance but just let me have this self-indulgence in this entirely self-indulgent au

the Bro Trio + janus go hunt down roman to show him the paper and find him painting stuff at emile’s all sad and upset bc, well, they lost and remus was taken

but virgil is trying to show him that they made progress!!! sure pulitzer won but he won the BATTLE and actually the poor guy’s head is spinning bc theyre gonna win.

“cmon, ro, if i’m is telling you to be optimistic there must be hope”

see virgil calls him RO and its cute bc roman gave him the nickname ‘virge’ and now virgil’s giving him the nickname ‘ro’ theyre just besties okay

roman is unconvinced but then logan, who roman has actually never met before, steps in with Facts and Statistics, and patton adds some adorable words of encouragement, and janus sassily waves their Front Page Story at him, and roman starts realizing they DO have a chance

but then uh oh pulitzer threatens remus and the Bro Trio and roman is forced to speak out against the strike or risk ruining the lives of everyone he loves. and also he finds out that janus is pulitzer’s son and is Betrayed TM

theres some “he’s just trying to build up a false confidence in u so u can plummet to even greater depths” parallels in there somewhere....u can’t trust many people as a newsie and when roman DOES trust someone turns out he’s the son of the guy ur trying to fight

so roman says overnight in pulitzer’s basement, sleeping on an uncomfortable old printing press, and makes his decision

now for the RALLY

remy is spot conlon bc he DESERVES to be the leader of the brooklyn newsies. brooklyn, flushing, richmond, etc all show up to a newsies rally and are like YEAH!!! STRIKE!!!!

virgil is trying to tame the crowd nervously and keeps waiting for roman to show up bc they work best when theyre working together!!!! finally roman’s there and virgil introduces him (the attention isnt solely on him now thank gosh)

but then roman starts talking about how they dont stand a chance and how they shouldnt go on strike and virgil is just. confused and upset and angry

especially when he sees one of pulitzer’s employees slipping roman wads of money

virgil corners roman afterwards and is absolutely RIPPING into him. roman could fix this if he would just tell virgil the truth, tell him he doesn’t care about the money, he just wanted to keep him and patton and logan safe—

but roman knows if he tells virgil, then virgil will turn all his anger towards pulitzer, will be able to convince roman to keep going, and roman won’t. he can’t put virgil, put his family, at risk.

so he lies.

he doesn’t mean any of it. but he says it.

and maybe he kind of understands why janus lied, too.

he says he’s never had anyone to take care of him or remus, not like virgil does with his parents and his older brother. he says virgil will never know what it’s like.

virgil scoffs and glares and beneath all his fury looks crushed. but there’s still fire in his eyes, a spark roman saw that first day that only grew and engulfed any doubts virgil ever had.

roman says he’ll take the money and go, leave new york behind.

virgil says fine. we don’t need you. because you know what? all those words you said were mine. i didn’t have the courage to say them back then but now i do. we don’t need you.

(because i watched that scene in the movie and like YES go OFF davey i mean virgil)

roman flees to his “bedroom” which is really just a fire escape and just longs for remus’ reassurance. he has the letter but it doesn’t seem as encouraging now, not when he’s lost everything else important to him.

then janus shows up and roman’s mad at him but not mad enough to kick him out. and janus watched roman just give up on everything they’ve been fighting for and just wants to know WHY. why did he turn his back on the newsies when they were so close?

and roman, tired and upset and defeated, just says they wouldn’t succeed. even if all the newsies went on strike no one would report on it, anyway, because pultizer has all the printing presses on lockdown, even the one janus published from. and they already lost once! what more could they possibly do?

roman looks out over the railing, chest heaving from his rant, longing for his imaginary santa fe where he doesn’t have to face his failures. janus stands next to him and puts his hand over roman’s.

“i don’t have a simple answer to that question....but here’s a start.”

and janus pulls out a paper with roman’s words (well, and virgil’s, because virgil said it first but roman rephrased it powerfully, and that’s why they worked as a team) typed out, words that make the strike not about newsies but about ALL working children in the city who are being exploited for their youth and naivety.

it’s an entire article, expertly written. if published it would get the word out to the other newsies that they haven’t given up and show other working children and adults alike that this is IMPORTANT and they aren’t going away.

and then roman remembers his drawings of the refuge and remus’ graphic descriptions and shows them to janus and hey!!! they have a plan!!! they just need to print it....

roman’s like yo there’s an old press in ur dad’s basement he’d never suspect anything

and theyre both so excited and theyre gonna DO this, FINALLY, and janus sees hope on roman’s face again, maybe permanently this time, and janus just leans in and kisses him.

its very sweet and cute and theyre in LOVE

they pull back and kinda stand there awkwardly for a few seconds before both of them start grinning

and they both know its fragile, that they’ve hurt each other and trust was cracked, but it wasn’t broken completely, and they can fix this. they believe in each other and that’s enough for now.

and then they go find virgil at his house

roman knocks on the door and virgil opens it and just. glares at roman. and roman starts rambling apologies and explanations and tries to tell virgil about their plan and did he mention he’s sorry

virgil kinda just stares at him as he goes on and on and the only thing that stops him is patton running out and launching himself at roman

then logan appears behind virgil, and virgil kinda just smiles

“glad to have u back. again.”

and then they go sneak into pulitzer’s basement and print the article with jan’s writing and ro’s drawings and remus’ descriptions and the other newsies go spread the papers ALL around the city

the next morning EVERYONE is out on strike!!! u cant get ANYWHERE without seeing ppl, newsies or otherwise, filling the streets with chants of “seize the day”

roman, with the Bro Trio and Janus trailing close behind, waltzs on in to pulitzer’s office and flings the money pulitzer gave him back on the desk and is like whatcha gonna do NOW, joe??

pulitzer angrily tells them he’s a fool for going back on their deal and logan steps in sayin pulitzer is a fool for letting this get so out of hand over a 10 cent price increase. his sales are down 70%!! objectively the price increase was like the worst business decision ever

virgil’s like plus it’s making u look bad that ur business is the reason most of these kids are suffering. people really love kids, mr pulitzer and patton smiles brightly but in like a menacing way

then emile walks in with a ~dazzling smile~ and is like ur son told me about this whole situation, it’d be a shame if i contacted my good friend governor roosevelt who won’t be as kind as these brave newsies since u tried so hard to stop him from being elected :)

((in the show roosevelt is actually there but i want emile to have a moment to SHINE))

so pulitzer’s like FINE and talks to roman alone and roman wears him down, throwing words from janus, virgil, and pulitzer himself right in pulitzer’s face until FINALLY they have a deal. he’ll lower the prices by half AND pulitzer will buy back whatever they don’t sell full price

roman bursts out of the office into the streets where all the newsies are waiting and is like WE WONNN

and since they published all that stuff about the refuge in the paper, the guy who runs it is being arrested and REMUS IS FREE

the twins hug for like a full two minutes

then pulitzer offers roman a job as a political cartoonist and roman’s like. well idk now that this is over i should probably...head out

bc lowkey he’s thinking virgil still doesn’t wanna see roman ever again and he did say he would leave, so

but then virgil’s like come on, ro, you don’t really think we want u to leave, do u? what’s santa fe got that new york aint? tarantulas? sandstorms? stampedes? you can’t go to santa fe what if you DIE—

and logan says new york’s got us!

patton: and we’re family, right?

then janus is like you got a union to lead! and...you got me.

and remus is like bro, anyone can dream, all you do is close ur eyes! but some made up world is all you’ll ever see. (bc he’s the wordsy one, u see. he helps roman have the poetic realization that his santa fe isn’t real, but this IS)

so roman says well if u guys INSIST.....and then he takes jan’s hand and kinda asks w his eyes and then kisses jan in front of all the newsies who proceed to cheer obnoxiously

when they break apart roman leads janus by the hand over to the paper-buying-cart and slaps some couns down on the table and BUYS SOME PAPERS BC THEYRE NEWSIES BABEY

and everyone lived happily ever after🥰

#sanders sides #roceit #creativitwins #newsies #sanders sides fic #sanders sides fanfic #bullet fic #repost bc tumblr glitched hardcore #uhh anyway the original tags i had were smth like #‘i rewatched newsies and i love it also i love jeremy jordan also stan newsies the musical’ aldkaldla #roceit newsies au #donnie writes

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verobatto · 5 years ago

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Destiel Chronicles

Vol. XXXVII

It was a love story from the very beginning.

One Sided Love

(8x18/8x19/8x20)

Hi my dears! I bring to you another meta from my series Destiel Chronicles.

Today we are going to talk about three episode that shows how Dean was feeling heartbroken, trying to handle a one sided love as he could see it.

I want to say thank you to my precious friend @agusvedder she made the gifs for this meta. 😍💕💕💕

Let's start...

Sam knows, and Dean avoiding his feelings to his brother

In episode 8x18 Feeeks and Geeks we had Sam trying to make his brother talk.

Because remember the last time, Sam saw him sad inside the Impala, listening to GOODBYE STRANGER song, and he get the idea right there. He saw how affected was his brother with Castiel leaving him. Because I really think Sam knew Dean felt something more than just a friendship for Castiel.

Just as Dean realized he loved Castiel, Sam realized Dean was in love with the angel.

So... Sam tried, as I said, to make Dean talk...

Sam is obviously trying to talk about how Dean is dealing with his brokenheart, but look at Dean's surprised face... Like... He didn't expected his brother came out with that question. Sometimes I wonder how much Dean thinks he can hide his feelings from his brother... Because he can't...

And because he's bringing CASTIEL to the chat... Dean connect the thing with... Feelings...

Okay... Sam brings Castiel to the surface, and Dean brings the word feelings to the surface too...

Sam is offering his shoulder here, waiting for Dean, at first it looks like Dean is about to confess something, but then... Th King of Avoidance, as I call him, decided to not talk, and because he needs the NO HOMO tag, he began to mocking his brother...

DEAN: Okay. I'll tell you what. Why don't I go get some, uh, herbal tea.

SAM: Okay.

Fine, I need you to pay attention to these words ... First of all... Herbal tea, mocking his brother, calling him a sensitive person, but that's the word that's accurate for you, Mr. Avoidance.

And then... Cowboy Junkies ... Okay, country music, with very sensitive lyrics... Poetic and corny... But do you know which song is one of their most famous? Misguided Angel. And do you want the lyrics?

I said "Mama, he's crazy and he scares me

But I want him by my side

though he's wild and he's bad

and sometimes just plain mad

I need him to keep me satisfied"

Okay people, idk if you all be alive after reading the whole lyrics here, but this is Cas here... Cas who went crazy and just flew away? He went to the dark side now bc he doesn't trust Dean? Yes Dean knowing he was off, he just couldn't stop praying to him, and calling him, and missing him. He wanted Castiel by his side, even if Cas was behavior weird.

I said "Papa, don't cry cause it's alright

And I see you in some of his ways

Though he might not give me the life that you wanted

I'll love him the rest of my days"

People... I can't with this subtext right here... Dean is suffering, but inside of him he wants to run to CAS? Like? Let me die here...

Misguided angel hangin' over me

Heart like a Gabriel, pure and white as ivory

Soul like a Lucifer, black and cold like a piece of lead

Misguided angel, love you 'til I'm dead

This song even mentions Gabe and Luci and I just Can't.

I said "Brother, you speak to me of passion

You said never to settle for nothing less

Well, it's in the way he walks,

it's in the way he talks

His smile, his anger and his kisses"

We all know Dean, same here...

I said "Sister, don't you understand?

He's all I ever wanted in a man

I'm tired of sittin' around the T.V. every night

Hoping I'm finding a Mr. Right"

Okay... After this... Romantic subtext here... And if you are alive yet... We had Sam upset, getting out the car...

Dean is pleased, he just avoid the conversation about him and Castiel and feelings, making his brother desist, and he's l safe now, in his avoidance world. Good Talk.

One Sided Love

Let's jump to episode 8x19 Taxi Driver we had a heartbreaking scene between Naomi and Dean.

Cas was gone, and Naomi wanted to win Dean's confidence, she needed an ally. But Dean didn't trust her. Because he knew all the thing she had done to Castiel... And this was the interesting exchange of words...

DEAN: You screwed with his head and had him spy on us.

NAOMI: Well, it is true that I have spoken with Castiel many times, trying to reach out to him, trying to help him. Dean, you must have noticed how Purgatory changed him. I mean, he's been unstable in the past, but I was shocked at how damaged he is now.

DEAN: Stop, okay? Don't – don't try to spin this. You think I don't know that you told him to try and kill me?

NAOMI: Hmm. Yeah, I suppose that is how he would hear it. When I learned of the Angel tablet, I did tell Castiel to get it at any cost. That's my job – to protect heaven. I'm a warrior, just as you are. What would you expect? And now Castiel is in the wind with a hydrogen bomb in his pocket, and I – I'm scared, for all of us.

First of all, Castiel is known as unstable? Okay, like he has a break on his chasis? The rebellious? Yes. The unpredictable. That's our Cas.

And Dean is trying to avoid her manipulative speech, even so, Naomi doesn't give up, and now she's using Castiel's safety as a tool to make Dean break.

Look at Dean's face when Naomi says YOU HAVEN'T WARDED THIS PLACE AGAINST US, is like he was caught... He didn't warded the place, just as he didn't warded in season 6, because he was waiting for Castiel to return... Ooohhh that damn corny song again in my head!

Look how Naomi is using Cas the whole time, he knows Dean's feelings for Castiel, and about their bond, every angel and every demon know that.

She's marking here... Your love is unrequited, Dean.

NAOMI: I know you don't want to believe it, Dean, but we're on the same side –

Again! Naomi is using Cas! Talking about bringing him back from cold? Really? She's using this words specifically to reach Dean! Through Castiel!

She's a bitch, but thank you for this subtext.

Blue Hand Print

Remember when I said season 8 the show began to use more colors and visual narrative?

Well episode 8x20 Pac-Man Fever, we saw bastards d-jin... Like the son you never wanted? With blue hand prints? Are we in the same page here?

We know the bad print is the Destiel symbol, and the color blue is a reference to Castiel, the rebellious son.

But in this chapter we also had this cute scene with Charlie...

Charlie is a character that always exposes Dean's bi self.

We know she had readed the Supernatural books, so she's aware about the subtext, and Castiel and Dean relationship. That's why this comment is so important, because she's trying to make Dean talk about Cas... Because why would a lesbian name a man dreamy, she was trying to get into an intimate confession from Dean about his dreamy angel. But as always, Dean avoid the insinuation. He's not looking at her, and he made that comment as if hearing Castiel's name was nothing. King of Avoidance my friends...

To Conclude:

Dean was feeling unrequited and abbandoned by Castiel, betrayed. He tried to avoid conversation with Sam, while naming things related with sensitive people and songs and herbal tea.

The unrequited love is exposed by Naomi on that important exchange of words he had with Dean. Dean was hoping Castiel to come back to him, even after the crypt scene.

Charlie is a factor of exposition for Bi!Dean, and is also a truly Destiel shipper.

I hope you like this one, see you soon!

Tagging @metafest @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @angelneedshunter @trickster-archangel @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @mishka-the-angel-of-saturday @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @foxyroxe-art @authorsararayne @anonymoustitans @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @wildligia @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-is--endgame @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @tenshilover20 @teddybeardoctor @pepevons

If you want to be tagged, just let me know

If you want to read the previous meta from season 8, the links are here...

Vol. XXXI, XXXII, XXXIII, XXXIV, XXXV, XXXVI

Buenos Aires November 13rd 2019 6:29 PM

#destiel #destiel chronicles #destiel meta #supernatural meta #vol. xxxvii #season 8 meta

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full-course-identity · 5 years ago

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Give me your thoughts on uuuh Jake

wew boy

okay. gonna word dump this, and probably other interpretation asks, so I can get the words out there.

from my POV, there’s 3 types of canon Jake + 1 fanon vers + my personal interpretation. lemme explain what they are;

Book Jake, who I don’t have enough experience with bc I STILL haven’t finished the book… >_>;

2River Jake, who is kinda oblivious and very in-the-moment impulsive (not so bad he’s jumping place to place ADHD like Rich, but like, not considering that maybe dropping everything to seduce Madeline or Christine is a bad idea when he clearly really likes Chloe). these are debatably survival mechanisms bc of his family (and wealth, if you want to go into the “being rich actually traumatizes you and locks you into dissociation” theory–but to be fair, this is partially reliant on thinking Jake is Genuinely Rich. … well, not Rich as in… yeah); ignoring any pain he feels in favor of getting dicked down and forgetting about everything for a while. very “I’m not sad, I’m busy!!!!!”

Bway (possibly the new canon general for all Jakes since it sounds like London’s is modeled after him but just… toned down), who is still oblivious, but towards other people’s emotions instead of himself; he’s manipulative, a little impulsive but a lot more malicious about it, and he knows exactly how hurt he is about his parents. this jake’s awareness of himself makes him act worse because he knows this is the only thing that seems to help and it’s basically the only thing he actually has control of. his wealthiness is undeniably present and Bad here because the reason taking what he wants and not caring that it hurts people is his main coping skill is pretty much only because he’s been allowed that privilege all his life. i tend to think this version of him should be done by a white cishet dude (despite jake’s actor on bway being genuinely FANTASTIC) bc being marginalized in a high school should’ve curved a lot of the “endless power and privilege” he gets for being rich (Not That One).

[i… think this jake has ‘better’/more nuanced writing in BWay… but i don’t think it fits the musical nor is it the overall direction i think it should’ve gone. BMC feels best to me when there’s a heavier element of Dark Humor that briefly nods to a Larger and more Fucked Up world behind the bit we see in the musical. making it largely a twisted comedy, maybe even ramping that up further with more whiplash lines like jake’s “which means the house is empty, so that’s fun”]

Fanon Jake is… like most of the fanon characters in BMC, a bit… “bipolar” (like, radically shifting depending on the situation). the BMC fandom has been born with heavy engagement from minors in the current fascist climate of fandom as a whole. as a result, you have three general uses of jake that as “approved of” by somehow the exact same people despite being conflicting in a lot of ways. THIS IS NOT ME SHITTING ON FANON, i actually think most of this fandom is just a casual romp for most people and that shouldn’t be snatched away from them nor mocked nor treated like you HAVE to be logically consistent when this is just a fun hobby for most… but there are still trends i notice:

1: Jake the sweet bi disaster who loves their significant other and is just a little bit hopeless in their silliness and Down For Whatever-esque personality. this is often used for shippy pictures and memes and cute little oneshots, plus, of course, fluff.

2: Jake the tragic abuse victim who is extremely sad and has to learn to love again and has always been selfless, plus or minus a permanent disability post-fire. this is of course used for hurt/comfort, plus in combination kinda with michael in the bathroom-esque posts and tragic art, often also used as an example of the squip being the worst for jeremy or rich guilt trauma. also: aesthetic and moodboard posts.

3: the one I have the least good will towards: Jake the “why does everybody woobify mlm? You can’t portray him without flaws! queer boys aren’t your fetish!!!” with an attached, clunkily written reasons why he was an asshole that is also simultaneously watered down so you don’t think he’s a Monster bc then you’d be vilifying queer men (well, more like they’d feel bad about their cutesy-er ‘emotional support’ art and writing which is Totally Different from all the other cutesy emotional support art and writing).

basically, Meta Trying To Make Jake Reasonably Flawed But Not Evil in this fandom is RARELY genuine–it’s more often than not moralistic hand-wringing made so that they can wash themselves of the guilt for actually enjoying something with a character they portray as mlm, or otherwise the guilt of enjoying anything romantic or sexual involving men or queer people period when we’re apparently not supposed to do that anymore, as decreed by the radfems infesting our spaces.

and, well, or you’re an mlm writing this post, you’re probably young and still feeling extremely sensitive and scared about your identity. i once saw a very wise post by a trans person who had been trans for a long time, who said that when you first come out as trans (or queer in general, but especially trans people who are beginning social or physical transition and coming to terms with themselves) you are obvs on High Fucking Alert and so you’re insecure and scared of anything, ranging from “obvious transphobia” to “just trans people enjoying themselves and exploring transphobia in fiction or else their own sexuality”. again, this can relate to a lot of identities tbh, and as such young mlm either cis or trans can get very Itchy about people enjoying mlm content.

anyway.

wrapping it back around to me: i edit jake on a case by case basis (sometimes i even make him eviler or meaner based on what’s set up during Bway, he’s just not my usual go-to villain), but i tend to think of him as a tragic Mr. Peanutbutter-y sweetheart who kinda knows he feels like shit yet also knows that if he stops to assess it, it would make his life a lot harder in a time where he can’t afford that. his relationship with chloe is extremely toxic (chloe abuses him horribly, specifically), and so he tries to claw his way out of it only to be continually back in by chloe and her bullshit.

this is why he doesn’t really get... well. he genuinely thought the thing with christine was going to be permanent; he wasn’t jerking her around, he thought he was over chloe and wanted a girl as cool and fun and genuinely nice as her. afterward he Gets It, and so feels Really Bad--at a time where he doesn’t have his house, his legs are broken (i don’t tend to put him in a perma-wheelchair), his parents have abandoned him, and he best friend is in the hospital. guilt crashes in on him from all sides, and he just has to... pretend it isn’t, even as he can no longer stop himself from thinking about it.

if i was to do a jake focused story, it’d probably be a dating sim where you play as him and watch his life change in conjunction with his attempts to find happiness again; you can either choose decisions that help him greatly or ruin his life so ver much... hmm. lets file that under hashtag “story ideas i’ll never use even though they could be great”

to wrap this up: i like jake. i don’t... really enjoy most of the written content (fanfic, meta, sometimes even the storylines on ask blogs) in this fandom about him or... really, most of the characters, which i feel bad about--i’d enjoy it more if it was every in conjunction with my usual Wants in a fic, which is, like. extreme angst.

BUT

i do still like jake, and i can super enjoy his portrayal in memes and visual art

he’s just not my total fave, but like, the reason he tends not to come up a lot in my content is more what i’m focusing on and why. i’d be happy to use him in stories if his presence fit.

as a bonus

here’s the ships i’m happy to use him for, generally: deere, michael/jake, brooke/jake, toxic chloe/jake, and of course, different ocs/jake

his identities/labels: cis, bisexual/romantic... tho sometimes i actually go for bisexual and aromantic! outside bway and eviler jakes, i’m good with him being any race, and even then it’s just a matter of suspending disbelief re: privilege theory. also, PTSD probably, and maybe generalized anxiety as a result. maaaaaybe autistic too? adhd would be a hard sell for me since he seems super put together in a way that’d be extremely difficult for every form of adhd, but i can see him being neurodivergent on the spectrum + like dyslexia maybe. oh, and i sorta-kinda think he may be color blind? but really i’d drop that at a moment’s notice if it’d be easier to write him without it lol.

his interests: one is more or less sports in general, tho i think that, unless he went straight for track or swimming or something Olympics (which he probably can’t do now...), that’s a high school or some college only focus for him. so, besides sports, i think he’d kinda like the satisfaction and steady growth of Collecting Rare Things That You Have To Look For, like cool rocks, bugs, etc.

as for careers... some form of doctor something, maybe a businessman of some sort but he’d likely try to curve his power in that field as much as possible; he inherits his parents' assets and company or whatever, but he probably takes a backseat to that and only really has it out of a sense of ‘it’s my job as my parent’s kid to keep the company going--without engaging in the same awful legal issues they did--for as long as i can’. one of my fave jake-is-there stories, vanceypant’s spicy bis-focused fic 1999, has him owning a restaurant, and that was cool as hell.

also jake loves dogs. especially golden retrievers. yes.

#be more chill #bmc #jake dillinger #kadabralin #bmc meta #meta #character interpretations #wow this... is long #holy shit sorry about that

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somefandomimagines · 4 years ago

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(Tilli 1)Hello! Can I ask you for Haikyuu male matchup, please? I'm pretty, cute, slim, medium tall (165 sm), with small arms and feet like a child’s. I’ve blond hair, blue eyes, neat sharp facial features, dimples. INFJ. I'm very bright, artistic and charming. Usually I'm calm and balanced, but also fun and cheerful. Sometimes I've a lot of energy and self-confidence, but sometimes I feel exhausted and insecure.

(Tilli 2)I’ve really sharp tongue and good sence of humor, love jokingly mock, tell funny stories well. I can be sarcastic and sceptic sometimes. I’ve leadership qualities and love bossing people around. I’m responsible, mature and love order in everything. I’ve atmosphere of comfort around me, I can support and comfort, find the right words and I care about friends like mom, so next to me calmly as at home with mom. I’ve good intuition, like empath. I'm lazy sometimes. (Tilli 3) I get a lot of envy from girls, so I’m a bit of lonely person. For this reason, I love boys more than girls and have good common with them. I can get cold and arrogant, if I don’t like person; capricious and irritable, if I feel bad; cute, if I’m happy. I love children, animals, nature and cute things. Favourite food: sweets, berries and tea. Hobbies: chess, dancing, foreign languages, self-care (like beauty salon, cosmetic), watching films/anime/dorama, listening to music, walking. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This was a toughie for me :( buuut I think I have a good idea of who you would matchup with!! I ship you with.... Chikara Ennoshita!! - So maybe he’s not really a main character, but I think you two would go well together! - You’re both gentle, but also bold! You two would be great leaders! - He admires your confidence, and will bring it up when you feel down!! - Whenever he’s down himself, he knows he can come to you when he needs ya! - You can also come to him when you need him! - You two would balance each other very well and you would both care for each other - You two will sometimes have lazy days together, just chilling at home - Cuddles? If you want them, you can get them - Though you may have to innitiate them first - He finds you adorable btw - In any mood you’re in, he can’t help but fall for you more - Also sometimes he needs a sharp tongue around - Your guys’ first date? A walk in the park! - Chikara also loves nature, ngl - So a walk in the park together would be amazing - Chess? He doesn’t know how to play, but would love for you to teach him! - At the times when he is just barely unable to control Tanaka and Nishinoya, you can definitely step in and help - You’re lonely? He’s there! - Also he loves your dimples - He places small kisses on them sometimes - There’s probably one time you almost scared him when you had a face mask on - It was funny tho - Also this man makes good ass tea, you can’t change my mind - He’ll definitely pick up some berries for you at the market - Girls are envious of you? Pretty sure that’s bc of how amazing you are - At least that’s what he’s sure about - Me too ngl - Study days when you two have to teach Hinata and Kageyama english? - It all gets done well - Also Chikara is definitely able to learn languages easily since he’s smart, so teach him some - He’ll probably give you some nicknames that are from different languages - This man is a calm one on relationships, but he’ll let you know that he loves you - Also holding hands is a must if you two go walking together

#haikyuu #haikyuu!!#haikyuu matchups #haikyuu matchup #chikara ennoshita #haikyuu chikara #haikyuu ennoshita #matchup #tilli anon #tilli

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aint-nodenying · 6 years ago

Text

seeing life through a new light (p.m)

y/n is a badass in a band with her college buddies, the abolitionists, and paul mccartney comes in to watch one day and is immediately entranced by the guitarist’s skill and beauty. however, there’s a wild twist about her...

word count: 3,628

a/n. alright, here it is!! now i wrote this pretty quickly (well for me lol) but i’m still really proud of this and how i put my idea on “paper”. now the song that i used in this one was black smoke rising by greta van fleet because i imagine that y/n’s band is like led zeppelin-esque where led zeppelin literally takes inspiration from them (since this is before led formed) but yeah most of their songs that i’m gonna write with this series is gonna be gvf or led,, sorry not sorry.

remember that my taglist is open and you can join it right here: xxxx

let me know if it’s not working and i can try to fix it!! anyways, enough rambling, enjoy this bad boy!!! (ps if anyone wants me to make a outfit look book for this lmk because i’d be very much up for it)

also i didn’t know who to tag because my normal list on victims didn’t heed my advice and fill out my taglist (ahem) so i’ll just tag y’all too, don’t be mad at me since y’all didn’t listen but just don’t read if you don’t want to. don’t come for me for tagging you if you didn’t want to be bc you literally didn’t follow my instructions. have a nice day!

----

October 1961

You loved the feeling of the wind against your skin. You loved the feeling of the fretboard touching your fingertips when you pressed down on the strings. You loved the feeling of the bass booming against the stage when you performed live. You loved getting lost in the adrenaline when performing. You loved to just feel. However, you didn’t love it when some asshole bumped into you without apologizing. You were in a crowded bar, sitting on one of the barstools after a performance with your band, The Abolitionists. Your bandmates, Thomas, David, and Michael were nowhere to be seen. They had the habit of abandoning you once the set was over, opting to tend to their groupies. You didn’t have any problems with that though, normally you had your friends with you and the boys meant no harm in abandoning you.

At this point in your life, you were a second year in uni for computer science and performed with your mates at gigs every other night, quite successfully might you add. You hadn’t regularly gotten drunk with your mates since they had always been quite protective of you, especially David since he had known you since secondary school when you had moved to Liverpool from Australia at the age of 15. You were best friends with David since you had met him tutoring him in math class. You and him met the other band members in college, deciding to form a band in which you were the guitarist along with Michael (who was also the lead singer, mind you), occasionally playing a diddy on the piano - David was the bassist, and Thomas was the drummer. You had been performing together for about two years at this time and you all were very happy together, barely arguing. You were beginning to gain a crowd of fans, along with a couple of record companies listening to your original pieces.

You downed another shot of whiskey, immediately reaching for another one, wincing at the stinging sensation as you did so. As you held the full shot in your hand, your friends immediately tried to pry it out of your hands, protesting wildly.

“Y/N, love I think you’ve had enough for one night,” said Margaret gently. She reached for the small glass once more and was batted away by your blindly-given hits. Patricia scoffed and pulled on Margo’s arm by the crook of her elbow.

“Don’t bother, the woman is an Aussie, she can drink you under the table.” you giggled and winked, bopping your nose with your index finger. You quickly downed the second drink and hissed loudly at the burn. You gestured towards one of them and cleared your throat before jumping down from the stool.

“I need to use the loo, one of you accompany me, please.” you still had your arm out and felt one of them grab your hand (judging from the overpowering perfume, you guess it was Margo) and place it in the crook of their elbow. The two of you began to walk through the crowd of people before someone promptly bumped straight into you, pouring their drink all over the front of your button-up.

Margo gasped loudly and you heard a distinct slapping noise before she angrily yelled out, “Watch out, arsehole. Where were you looking?” you tugged on Margo’s arm impatiently before pulling her away from the stunned Brit. “Fuckin’ arse, who does he think he is running into you like that?” you snorted as you took off your shirt and exposed your black sports bra to the infuriated blonde.

“I don’t think he knew I was blind, Margo,” you said, scrubbing the shirt under the sink. There was a moment of silence before she gently grabbed the shirt from your grasp.

“I got it, babe, you weren’t scrubbing the right place.” You nodded and flicked off the water before feeling along the walls to go into a stall to relieve yourself. After you were done, you felt around the counter before grasping the faucet in your palm. You washed your hands and dried them before grabbing onto the edge of the counter and jumping up, sitting next to the sink. “I mean I understand you just performed beautifully, and it definitely doesn’t seem like a blind person could do that, he still should’ve apologized to you instead of just staring at you.” you giggled and swung your legs back and forth.

“Darling, maybe he thought my looks were to die for,” she scoffed, slapping a wet hand on your knee. You shrieked loudly and immediately started laughing along with Margo. She sighed deeply and held up your shirt.

“Yeah, the shirt is fucked, sorry love. I’ll give you my cardigan out there, it’s a bit chilly today.” you nodded and jumped off the counter, holding out your hand once more. She grabbed onto your palm and rested it in the crook of her elbow, opening the door. Upon opening it, you heard the jukebox play more clearly and the chatter less muffled. You also heard Margo scoff and felt her move jerkily against the side of your arm, as if she were pushing someone out of the way.

“Fuck off, you prick,” she pulled you towards the table while you blinked confusedly. You stopped suddenly and Margo placed your hands onto the tall barstool before letting go and going to sit in her own chair. “God, the boy is persistent, that one is.”

Patty looked between you two, confusion clouding her face. “What happened?” she glanced down at your chest. “Y/N, babe, where’d your top go?” you felt something soft touch your bicep and you reached out to find it was said cardigan from Mago and put it on.

“Some bloke spilled his bevvy onto my chest, and Margo is quite pissed about it, so don’t talk about it much.” you snickered. You felt around the table for a shot and when grasped in your palm, you downed it and heard a loud gasp from beside you.

“You again? Didn’t I tell you to fuck off?” you were confused before a loud scoff came from behind you. You set the shot glass down and turned towards the noise.

“Well you didn’t let me have a chance now did you, was too busy admirin’ your friend to get me words out,” snarked the mysterious man. You muffled your snickers behind the palm of your hand before Margo mocked him loudly.

“Oh yeah, admirin’, that’s a load of tosh. You were right oglin’ her, you were. Quite a creep this boy is, let’s go girls.” You felt the table shake before you felt a hand on your shoulder. You reached out, waiting for one of the girls to take your hand and guide you off the stool but it hadn’t come. “Oi, get your mangy hands off her, you tosser.” You felt a petite, small hand grab your elbow and pull you off the chair roughly, nearly making you fall.

“Wait, where we goin’?” you asked, tripping over your own feet by how fast they were leading you.

“Tryin’ to find David, he’ll help you. You’ve still got to clear the stage.” you nodded and felt yourselves slow down as you tried to maneuver through the large crowd of people. At one point, you were crushed between two people and the hand guiding you disappeared. You panicked and froze, not knowing what to do. You were without your seeing eye, without your cane; you were utterly lost and didn’t know what to do.

All of a sudden, you felt a hand on your shoulder and you screamed, beginning to smack the air in front of you. You came in contact with the person a couple of times before realizing it was the guy from before.

“Ouch, can you calm down?” he asked, grabbing onto both of your hands with his one. “Are you okay?” you gulped loudly and shook your head scared, panting.

“No, please don’t hurt me, I don’t have anything to offer,” you dry-sobbed. You tried to weakly tug your hands out of his grip before giving up, giving into your fate. He laughed dryly before letting you go suddenly.

“I wasn’t goin’ to try anything, you know. I was just gonna tell you how much I liked your performance. I’m in a band meself so I was goin’ to ask you how you do your riffs.” During his spiel, you managed to calm down to just occasional sniffles and glanced in his direction.

“Truly?” he nodded, which you couldn’t see. You didn’t say anything so he just confirmed it verbally once more. “Alright, help me out of this crowd then I’ll talk to you.” he nodded and grabbed your shoulder, leading you out of the crowd, just a little ways away from your friends. “Alright, what’s your name, what’s your band name, when’s your next performance?”

He gave a short laugh before letting go of your shoulder to cross his arms at his chest. “My name’s Paul McCartney, I’m apart of The Beatles, and our next performance is at the Cavern Club.” your eyes widened in recognition and reached out to slap him in his chest.

“Paul McCartney? Lord, who knew I was standing in front of pure talent? Yeah, I’ve heard of you blokes around, you’re very quite popular with the ladies. I’m sorry about my friend, Margo, by the way, she’s normally not that aggressive. She actually really likes your music, she’s just been a bit on edge lately. I’m actually quite surprised she didn’t recognize you.” he smiled bashfully, kicking his foot, glancing down.

“Thank you, I really appreciate that. I really like your new song as well, what was it, Black Smoke Rising?” you nodded. “Yeah, who wrote that one, it’s amazing.” you smiled and giggled a bit. You pointed at yourself and he looked at you in disbelief.

“Yeah, I wrote it like two years ago and we all came up with our own riffs and shit, David’s voice really brings it to life, though.” his smile slowly faded and he cleared his throat.

“Are you and David dating?” he asked timidly. “Just wonderin’ because it seems as though you guys have a lot of chemistry on stage, he looks at you quite a bit.” you laughed loudly at that comment, clapping your hands together joyfully.

“No, David is like a brother and I’m like a sister to him, don’t worry. We’ve just known each other since secondary so we’ve got a bit of memories, that’s all. I don’t really see his glances anyways, maybe he’s just seeing if I’m alright or summat like that.” he nodded and looked across the bar to look at his friends who were all winking and giving him thumbs up. He rolled his eyes and looked back at you.

“So, you’re quite talented and beautiful, do you mind if I could take you out on a date someday?” you smiled and rolled your eyes. “What’s that look for? I really do fancy you y’know,” you shook your head and rested your hand on his shoulder comfortingly.

“Oh, baby,” he blushed at your pet name. “You have no idea what you’re getting into,” he looked at you confused and asked you what you meant. “You do know that I’m-” you were cut off by a loud voice calling out your name to your right. You stopped talking and whipped your head towards your friend’s voice. “David?” you yelled. David yelled your name one more time, right in front of you before he softly grasped your hand in his, resting it on his arm.

“Who’s this wanker?” he asked nodding towards Paul, who was watching the exchange jealously. You shook his head and stood on your tiptoes to whisper in the 6’3 tall man’s ear. His eyes widened and immediately pulled you towards Paul, reaching out his other hand to shake the other Brit’s hand. “Paul McCartney, oh my god, we love your music, we do. We’d seen your performance from two weeks ago, we had - it was amazing, you know,” he rambled. “My girlfriend Margo absolutely fell in love with your friends, you know, it was hilarious since she’s my girlfriend but I didn’t blame her since you’re a bunch of fit lads,” his eyes widened at his words. “I mean, I’m not gay or anything but I can appreciate looks when I see it, but, oh, I mean, thanks for looking after Y/N. If she had gotten hurt, I wouldn’t of have known what to do,” you snickered at his nervous chatter and tugged lightly on his arm.

“Alright there, Dave, let the poor boy breathe.” you looked over at Paul’s direction. “If you can find me after today, come and ask me out again, maybe I’ll say yes.” You didn’t see Paul’s face light up with excitement and you definitely didn’t see David’s bewildered expression. You pulled on David’s arm once more and he began to walk towards your other friends slowly, out of shock and as to not lose you again. You both trekked through the sea of people to your band and friends. David pulled on your arm to indicate to stop walking and immediately a body slammed into yours, pulling you into a tight hug. You shrieked instinctively before recognizing the person’s perfume and patting her lightly on the back.

“Alright, love, let me go now. ‘M suffocatin’ in your hair,” Patty giggled through her sniffles and let go you go reluctantly. She stepped back and sneered in the air.

“I bet you fifty quid that jackass was leerin’ over our poor Y/N,” you giggled at her words and blindly walked over to the table that Thomas and Michael were sitting at, arms waving wildly around you. Thomas grasped your hand once you got close enough and sat you on his lap before handing you a drink. Meanwhile, David crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes at Patty.

“What bloke; lots of black hair, big droopy eyes, and like six feet tall?” she nodded vehemently and glared at the thought of him. David burst out laughing and clapped his hands. Margo and Patty looked at him shocked, wondering what was funny with the situation. “Babe, Patty, that was Paul McCartney from the Beatles.” judging from the prolonged silence, you guessed that the girls were in shock while Thomas patted your thigh and Michael spat a bit of his drink out.

“Holy shit, Y/N, how the fuck were you chatting with Paul McCartney?” you shrugged and took a sip of the crisp beer (guessing it was lager since it was quite clean.)

“Look, I didn’t even know it was him at first - the man is a flirt, he tried getting my number before he even realized I couldn’t even see what the guy looked-” you were interrupted by a loud guttural groan coming from Margo. “What? What happened?” you asked panicked, ready to stand up.

“I can’t believe I just yelled at Paul McCartney, kill me now.” she hid her face in David’s neck and continued to groan loudly. You huffed out of annoyance and relaxed back into Tom’s lap, his arms wrapping around your waist loosely. You heard crackling in your ear as he lit a cigarette and held out your hand for a drag. He handed it to you and you inhaled deeply, holding the smoke for a few seconds before exhaling. You felt your muscles relax as Tom patted your leg.

“Alright pet, up you get. It’s time for us to put the shit in the van,” Michael said as he gently grasped your hand. You nodded and returned the cigarette to Tom before following Mike to the front of the stage. You carefully went up the stairs of the stage and removed the smooth amp cords from your guitar and from the amp itself. You wound them around your hand and placed them along the edge of the stage for Margo to grab to put into the van. You turned back around to pick up the amp off of the small table it was on to the front of the stage once more. This time, when you put the amp down, you felt a hand grasp your wrist before you screamed out of shock.

“Whoa, whoa, love it’s just me,” exclaimed Paul, letting go of your wrist immediately. You snatched your wrist back and got off the ground from when you fell on your bum when you screamed. You scowled and huffed obnoxiously, telling him silently you were upset.

“God Paul, you just don’t sneak up on a blind girl like that,” you walked back towards the stage and picked up your guitar. When you turned back to the other side of the stage, you felt around for your guitar case before placing it inside. You heard Paul stuttering beside your hip, in shock of the new information.

“You’re blind?” you nodded without looking up, still strapping in your instrument. “Well excuse my shock, you certainly don’t act blind love, you definitely got most people fooled. You snorted lightly before standing back up, picking up your case after closing it and started towards the stairs. He followed you out the door to the van and began asking the many questions you predicted him to ask.

“Might I ask you how much you can see? How are you getting around today without a cane or without a seeing eye right now? Are you still willing to go out on a date with me?” you were taken aback at the last question, not expecting him to still want to go out with a blind girl.

“Uh, I can see a little bit, like some light but mostly black,” you licked your lips and squinted in his direction in confusion. “Sorry, you still want to go out with me?” he nodded aggressively before realizing that you couldn’t see him.

“Yeah, you not being able to see as much as most people doesn’t change the fact that you’re gorgeous, and I like talking to you. You not having the ability to see literally had no effect on me before, I didn’t even know you were blind.” through his spiel, you blushed at his sweet words and nodded.

“Alright then, yeah I’ll go out with you,” you felt him take your guitar from your hands and took your hands to rest on his elbow. He began to lead you somewhere before you felt a rush of air hit your face. You assumed he led you to the back of the pub to the van and trusted him. He giggled under his breath and you could feel him practically skip with happiness. “Alright there Paul, you can calm down now, I said I’d try this out but we don’t know if this’ll work.”

He scoffed loudly before patting the top of your hand. “Ye of little faith, fair maiden. I’ll sweep ya off your feet, just you watch. Also, you never responded how you walked around the pub without guidance.”

You shrugged as you came to a stop. He let your hand drop from the crook of his elbow before you heard the back car door open and something heavy land on the carpeted surface. “I don’t know, maybe muscle memory? I’ve been performing here for quite a while, even before I joined The Abolitionists, and I also haven’t been blind forever you know,” he nodded intrigued with your back story. He grabbed your hand and began fiddling with your rough fingertips, making you blush.

“May I ask you how you went sightless?” you nodded and scratched your head with the hand he wasn’t fiddling with.

“Yeah, I had polio when I was around nine so I lost my sight that way, I started playing some instruments around the age of five so good thing I still had experience with that before I lost my sight, eh?” you laughed along with Paul at your sad joke. He continued to fiddle with your fingers as he looked at your face as if he was admiring your features.

“You’re gorgeous and so strong, Y/N,” his words made you blush as you slapped his chest in embarrassment. “I swear I haven’t been this forward with anyone before, there’s just somethin’ about you-” he was interrupted by a loud bang that made you and him jump. You then heard chatter come from inside the building leak out into the quiet autumn air. He held onto your hand as he led you to the other side of the van that faced the brick wall that kept the building shielded from the pedestrian's eye.

He leaned down to whisper into your ear, “I really do like you Y/N, I’m performing at the Cavern later this week on Friday,” you nodded as his other hand came up to tuck your hair behind your ear. You shivered at the sensation, the action not going unnoticed by the dark-haired male. “I’d be really happy if you came to listen.”

You bit your lip to mask your smile and nodded. “Sure, I’ll see if I can make it,” you said, pretending to be indifferent. He smirked and hummed in acknowledgment before cupping your face in his large palm. He leaned down to kiss you on the cheek softly, making butterflies race in your stomach and shivers all down your back. He leaned towards your ear to whisper into it once more before strutting away into the night, meeting his friends on the other side of the building.

“I’ll see you then, Y/N. Have a beautiful night, beautiful.” He walked away that night with your heart in his palm and his in yours.

usual victims:

@polaroids @magicwithaknife @rogersdrumkit @blitchen @mxrcury-love @lady1505 @shae-is-not-ok @alexfayer @fuckinghurricanesoul @committed-no-crime @fire-and-blood-got-blog @cosmicsskies

#the beatles #beatles #beatles fic #the beatles fic #paul mccartney #paul mccartney x reader #john lennon #ringo starr #george harrison #the beatles imagine #beatles imagine

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lenin-it-to-win-it · 5 years ago

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just gonna rant about my health issues to no one in particular for a bit under the cut sooo

im just so fucking tired of being sick all the time like. its been almost 2 years now of actively Going To Doctors And Having Tests Done And Trying To Get A Diagnosis and fucking!!! nothing works!!! and i only have until the end of this coming school year to get it figured out before my insurance runs out otherwise im just fucked!!! because im sure as hell not gonna be able to afford a fucking mri every six months making 10 bucks an hour at some retail shithole but so far ive seen SIX different fucking doctors (not counting 2 ER visits) because they all just keep shuffling me back and forth like “idk maybe have someone else deal with this? weird lol” or like “have you considered that maybe you might have anxiety :) you seem stressed :)”

like yeah its a fucking stressful situation getting progressively fucking sicker for two goddamn years wasting thousands of dollars and reaching the end of a fucking ticking clock because almost every doctor ive seen is an incompetent jackass who does NOTHING but waste my time and money and then fucking condescend to me about anxiety like!!! yeah i probably DO have anxiety and depression and autism and what the fuck ever else but this isnt THAT

and the literal ONE TIME i had ANY treatment that worked AT ALL helping with my eye spasms (literally One of Many Symptoms that i deal with on a fucking daily basis that still manages to completely fuck up my life) is something i cant take anymore because it damaged my fucking eyes!!! possibly permanently!!! i already HAD issues wtih light sensitivity that this medicine made WAYYY fucking worse and guess whats one of the WORST things at setting off my eye spasms??? anything to do with fucking light so YEAH thANKS for that @ the opthalmologist who had me take those damn eye drops for two months straight, which other neuro opthalmologist said was bullshit when i saw her again, not that im letting HER off the hook either since she REFERRED me to that incompetent bitch in the first place and then had NO solution other than “hm well you definitely shouldnt take that medicine again, but theres literally No Other Treatment, maybe blow another $400 in a few months to come see me again so i can continue to Not Help You In Any Way”

and its getting wORSE ALL THE TIME!!! and the best thing doctors can think of is “hm well maybe wait a bit to see if it gets worse? and maybe then we’ll know what it is?” well its getting worse!!!! but they still dont seem to know what it is!!! like at first it was just my vision going out of focus for a few seconds at a time, then it was a few minutes, then i was having visual distortion (or maybe hallucinations? who knows! certainly not any of the fucking doctors ive seen!), then awful fucking eye strain headaches, then spasms in my neck, then my jaw, then my arms, then my legs, now all fucking over, and now i get sick and dizzy just by moving my HEAD too far or too suddenly and like at work earlier today i was just stumbling around for two hours bc there was too much pressure in my head and everything felt tilted and i was just grabbing at every surface trying not to fall with my head like on my shoulder bc keeping my neck straight was too fucking hard and i swear to fuckign god a couple nights ago there was this weird buzzing on the side of my face??? and like it felt like my mouth was moving slower than it should??? but i dont even KNOW if thats a Real SymptomTM or if i was just freaked out and tired and imagining things or if i really am just getting to be a paranoid delusional nutcase about my health because every little thing terrifies me at this point, like ive been coughing for a couple weeks and instead of being like “oh its a bad cold” im like “maybe now my immune systems fucked up too maybe this is A New Symptom” i literally cant tell anymore i have no fucking idea

and i dont WANT to think about all this All The Fucking Time but i do!!!!! i literally HAVE to bc it affects my life in every fucking possible way and i cant escape it like even rn the light from the fuckign computer is hurting my eyes and i cant even see what im typing half the time bc my eyes keep going out of focus and my teeth keep chattering and my head hurts or ill go to get a drink of water but then just Stand there for a few minutes bc i dont trust myself to hold a cup full of water and not spill it bc im having spasms or ill have to wear sunglasses at the dinner table bc my fucking idiot asshole dad got the BRIGHTEST possible lightbulbs for the dining room and i physically cant stand them

or like im already dreading having to explain all this shit to my professors this semester about how like “oh so i probably wont be able to keep up with daily readings, especialyl not if theyre on physical paper and i cant scale up the text because my eyes just spontaneously stop working and i cant read..... and ill need a computer to take notes, i can Usually hold a pencil but one time i had a spasm in class and flung it across the room and it was super embarrassing and i ltierally skipped that class for weeks because of it so id really rather not deal with that again.... and even though im a fuckign AMAZING public speaker like, state champion debate level public speaking, ill still probably get super fucking nervous and suck at any kind of in class presentation bc ill just be thinking about my spasms the whole time and wont be able to focus....... and ill have to wear sunglasses all the time too so hopefully thats not an issue........ and also ill probably miss a lot of class bc whether or not i can handle walking half a mile Varies Wildly from day to day and also i have a lot of doctors appointments and sometimes im on medicine that completely ruins my sleep schedule so you know... looking forward to a great semester, hope i dont completely fail your class”

and i have fuckign work tomorrow where ill have to deal with trying to pretend like even the most minor tasks arent painful and difficult and deal with awful btichy entitled customers complaining that im not SMILEY enough for you like the motherfucker who asked me how i was and i said fine and he was like “jUuUUuuuST fINE” like shut the everlasting FUCK UP with that ive met my obligation leave me ALONE my day isnt FINE im in awful pain and i HATE you and everyone like you or ill have to deal with my coworkers giving me weird looks while im having spasms or outright MOCKING me for them like the asshole that called me TWITCH (and a whore, but thats Another Fucking Story) or just not knowing how to deal and making bad taste jokes like when my teeth are chattering bc I Physically Cant Make It Stop like “haha are you chewing an invisible piece of gum lol” like no bitch im a neurological nightmare and my brain doesnt work and im Barely Holding Together would you PLEASE shut the fuck up

and most of the time i just feel like everyone thinks im a fucking freak like even just sitting in the waiting room to see the neurologist or opthalmologist or whatever and everyone else there is Old and im the only person even remotely close to my age there and even the doctors dont seem to take me that seriously bc of it like “oh shes young, cant be that bad, all these old people out here are gonna die like tomorrow so why worry about this girl, its probably just anxiety from being on her period or having a test to study for lol” like straight up when the movement disorder neurologist was examining me she was like “im not used to seeing anyone this young or healthy’ and i know she meant it relatively speaking but like!!! clearly im NOT healthy or i wouldnt BE here like obviously something is wrong with me and its ruining my life and its serious and id like it fixed thanks!!!!!

and i feel like No One Gets It like, obviously there are people wayyyy sicker than i am who suffer a lot more or people in similar situations but like. i dont Personally Know someone like that i can just talk to and like, of course i have friends who can Listen but.................................. theres a difference from being able to listen and being able to actually Understand and sometimes you just cant Get It unless youve gone through it like i really dont think ANYONE in my life has any idea how serious this is or how much it affects me and i know i cant expect everyone to just Always Think Of My IssuesTM but little things!!! like maybe NOT having the brighest possible lightbulbs in the dining room!!!! my brother NOT having his birthday party at dave and busters, which i had TONS of spasms at last time i went (and im even worse now!) AND the staff gave me shit about wearing sunglasses so now im nervous about That too or just! idk! people respecting and listening to me when i tell them that i Cant Do Something or that Doing That Thing Hurts and not just brushing me off or telling me im overreacting and then getting all shocked pikachu face when their dumbassery actually physically HURTS me and i get pissed with them for it!!!!

i dont think anyone gets how much it scares me all the time or how its Always on my mind and i literally cant think about anything else like. this could be the rest of my life. this could end my life. i dont know what i have. i might get diagnosed in the next month and have it completely cured, i might get a diagnosis and still be sick forever, i might not find out until its too late and i have LITERALLY NO FUCKING IDEA WHICH ONE!!!! ITS GREAT!!!!!!!! WELCOME TO MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!

#vent #rant #i sincerely doubt anyone will read to the end of this but whomst knows #besides it feels nice to just scream

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noodlebees · 8 years ago

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Shitttttttt

So I’m highkey freaking out ngl I mean I have 6 days before my first mock exam and I am really really freaking out. I have hit a point in my mind where studying is impossible? I just cannot for the life of me motivate myself to revise no matter what I tell myself. I start and then I get really down and I stop and then I don’t do any more. I get so angry at myself when I don’t revise but when I try I just can’t???? It’s not like I’m being lazy bc I WANt to revise and study but there’s like a mental wall when I attempt it?? It makes me so sad and tired and low and then I just loose all motivation. It’s so incredibly difficult when these exams even though they are just practices are so so so so so so important in preparation for my actual GCSEs next year and if I can’t study then what chance have I got???? I’m just so scared that I’ll fail???? It’s eating me away on the inside but obviously like normal nobody can see it bc I’m the ‘hard worker who always gets her work done and gets such good marks on her tests’ and I’m struggling to live up to that atm. I didn’t expect it to be so hard and it’s really overwhelming. I mean my head of year has arranged for me to be in separate rooms for my mocks (I think idek if it’s for mocks as well as the real shit) to save me from panicking in a packed room but honestly what good will it do if I’m not able to learn the shit I need? I can manage lessons and I take in what I learn in class but when it comes to being on my own I just can’t do it.

I’m honestly so low and sad and upset but if my parents even get the idea of how I’m actually feeling they’ll try and help but I honestly don’t know what they can do?? It’s moments like this that I just think I’m stuck forever and nothing can ever fix it when there actually is something that can but I’m just that down I don’t believe it? I’m in a really bad place rn underneath the laughter and smiles god tbag sounds so cringe but you know that’s pretty much all I can describe myself as rn??

#wow I am sorry #it's just #fuck #I don't know if I can handle this #there's so much I have to know and learn and it's just impossible #the pressure is really just so so awful rn #I'm sorry about this long obnoxious rant but I can't tell my parents or anyone so let's tell the internet

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jaeminlore · 8 years ago

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No Pain No Gain // Kim Myungjun

the prompt: I was wondering if I could get a MJ college au where he has a crush on the school nurse so he ‘gets hurt’ a lot? Have a lovely day!!

words: 2177

category: fluff

author note: this was the cutest and I had a fun time writing it! Also, I made MJ pretty cheeky bc I feel like he would be like that irl.

- destinee

Sick kids could be very annoying. As an intern in nursing school, you were offered the opportunity to practice as a school nurse for your university.

The amount of college students who came in to your little office was ridiculous. You never had a slow day because of all the parties students were having. You were well-known for curing hangovers just as much as you were known for patching up a simple scratch.

You never really paid attention to the people who came in and out every day. Getting your job done well and completing enough hours for your credits was all that really mattered to you.

Although, there was one boy you couldn’t ignore. He came in at least twice a week with the strangest injuries imaginable. Just last week he came in claiming that his brow bone was sore.

You had no idea what that meant and if it was technically even an ailment, but you handed him an ice pack anyway.

Another time, he came in with a paper cut, which you promptly covered with a bandaid.

He was a music major named Myungjun, although everyone called him MJ. He was popular around campus for his high vocal range and equally well-known for being loud and funny.

You wondered why he got hurt so much, or why he came in for something as simple as a paper cut. Perhaps he had a low pain tolerance?

The office was empty at the moment, so you sat on the little bed and went through your phone to pass the time.

Someone knocked on your door, and you pocketed your phone respectfully. “Come in!”

There was no surprise who stood in your doorway. MJ limped into your office and hopped up on the bed.

“What happened this time?” You asked, rolling your eyes.

“I tripped and sprained my ankle,” MJ replied.

You pursed your lips. It was so hard to believe him sometimes. “Okay, take off your shoes.”

He obliged, smiling as he showed you his ankle. “Look, its swollen.”

You examined his ankle. It wasn’t discolored or anything. It wasn’t even swollen. “Are you sure you sprained this?”

“Positive,” MJ nodded.

You pressed your fingers into his ankle and he didn’t flinch. “I don’t think it’s sprained.”

“Oh, I must’ve been mistaken,” MJ said. He shrugged innocently.

You glared at him, but his cheerful eyes deterred you from being angry. “MJ, you can’t come in here when you aren’t hurt. You’re wasting my time.”

“I only come in when I’m really hurt.” MJ insisted. “I promise.”

You didn’t believe him, “Just try to lessen your visits.”

He obviously didn’t listen to your advice, for he came in the next day, holding his ribs.

“My friend kicked me,” he huffed. “My ribs might actually be broken.”

You rolled your eyes. “MJ, one playful kick cannot brake your ribs.”

“Rocky takes Taekwondo,” MJ replied. “He can break my ribs for certain.”

“Fine. Sit down.”

MJ obliged and sat down carefully. He was sure to wince in the all the right places, enough to make you think he might not have been faking.

“Lift your shirt.” You told him.

He lifted it, raising his eyebrows expectantly.

Without thinking of his intentions to show you his clearly sculpted figure, you pushed against his ribs gently. “Does that hurt?”

“Yeah,” MJ answered. “Hey, Y/n?”

“Hmm?” You moved away and washed your hands.

“Can you tell I’ve been working out?”

You turned off the faucet and looked at MJ. Your gaze accidentally drifted to his dark and toned stomach. You cleared your throat and looked up at the ceiling. “Put your shirt down.” You told him.

MJ blinked innocently and tugged his shirt down. “Well, can you?”

Why was he even asking you a question like that? You were a nurse. You weren’t a physical trainer.

“That doesn’t matter.”

“That’s a yes,” MJ stood up.

“Be careful,” You said, reaching over to help him off of the bed. “Your ribs might still be sore.”

MJ grabbed your hands and squealed in a very unmanly way. “Do you care about me, Y/n?”

You rolled your eyes and pushed his hand away, “I’m a nurse, you idiot.”

“I didn’t hear a no,” he sang.

Your eyes couldn’t roll further up your head if they tried. “Goodbye, MJ.”

“Goodbye, Y/n!”

“I don’t care if your cat scratched you, MJ, that’s not my concern.”

MJ held out his arm, where a small puffed-up scratch decorated his wrist. “It’s infected, though.”

“So go home and put some ointment on it.” You told him.

Your mood wasn’t the best that day, which is why you were deflecting any effort MJ made to get a reaction out of you.

“Why can’t you give me ointment while I’m here?” MJ pressed.

“Because you’re not hurt!” You told him harshly. MJ’s eyes widened a bit at your raised voice.

“You’re wasting my time,” You continued. “So stop coming in here with stupid excuses! I don’t know what game you’re playing but it’s annoying and obnoxious so stop.”

MJ bowed his head shamefully and stood up.

Immediately, you felt bad for your harsh words. He wasn’t really obnoxious. In fact, his visits often amused you in a positive way. He just chose the wrong day to push you, and you lashed out on him.

All of the pressure of nursing school had been getting to you, and you kept it all bundled up until your frustration boiled over.

“MJ,” you started, reaching out for his retreating form.

“No, you’re right.” He whispered. You wished he would turn around and give you a reassuring smile. “I do come in here too much. I won’t anymore though, so don’t worry.”

He left, closing the door behind him.

It had been a month. You felt pathetic. Every time someone would knock on your door, you would pray for it to be MJ, coming in with something stupid like a stubbed toe.

His company was enjoyable for you. It had never occurred to you how much you appreciated MJ’s constant visits until he stopped them.

When he finally did come in, it was in the arms of his closest friends.

One was a fellow nursing major, Eunwoo, and the other one, Jinwoo, was here on a baseball scholarship.

Between them was MJ, held up by his friends arms.

“What happened?” You asked frantically, gesturing for them to lay MJ on the bed.

“He passed out in chorus,” Eunwoo said. He pressed a hand against MJ’s forehead. “His fever is really high.”

“Why wouldn’t he come get some medicine?” Jinwoo asked.

You knew exactly why, and the reason broke your heart. Would MJ rather faint of a fever rather than break his promise and come back to your office?

“You guys can go,” you said as you grabbed an ice pack out of the freezer. “I’ll take it from here.”

After they left, you wrapped the ice pack in a towel and brought it over to MJ. You brushed back his bangs, heavy with perspiration. His entire face glistened with sweat, and his lips trembled in a way that fever victim’s do.

You rested the ice pack on his forehead and moved around the office, grabbing supplies like ibuprofen and a thermometer.

After finding out that he was running an hundred and two degree fever, you lifted him into a sitting position.

He was somewhat awake, but he wouldn’t open his eyes or speak.

“MJ, you need to take this medicine. It’ll bring your fever down, okay?”

He sluggishly nodded, so you helped him swallow the pills.

After making him drink an entire bottle of water, you eased him back into a lying down position.

“Y/n?” MJ spoke, his voice quiet and raspy.

“I’m here,” you said, grabbing his hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. “Go back to sleep. I’ll be here.”

He obliged. You kept a hold on his hand as his breathing became slower and slower.

For the next three hours, you kept a watch on him as he slept. His temperature went down to ninety-nine degrees, which was a great improvement for him.

When he woke up, he was a tad disoriented. You came over to his side and checked his temperature again. He looked up at you, and asked, “Are you an angel?”

Only he still had the thermometer under his tongue, so it sounded like, “Aru a anthel?“

The gleam in his eyes was back, so you knew he was just teasing you again.

Your smile grew, until you were reminded of why he came in here so late anyway. “Never scare me like that again,” you said sternly. “Why would you not come here with a fever? The one legitimate illness you have and you don’t come. What is that all about?”

MJ sat up and looked at you guiltily. “You told me not to come back. I was afraid that the fever wasn’t that serious and I would waste your time.”

“I’m sorry for lashing out at you.” You said. MJ watched as you wring you hands together nervously and continued, “I had a bad day and I took it out on you. The truth is, I really enjoy your company. Without you my job is really boring.”

“Really?” MJ’s voice lifted. His lips broke into a smile. “I knew the Myungjun charm would pull through.”

“That was definitely it,” you deadpanned. Then, resuming your nurse status, you handed MJ a bottle of medicine. “Take two of these pills once for the next two days, just to make sure the fever is completely gone.”

“Okay.” MJ accepted the bottle. “You always take good care of me, Y/n.”

You stopped in your tracks. “O-of course. I take good care of all my patients.”

MJ’s words had unwillingly made you blush. He was right, you always took good care of him because you had become quite fond of the troublemaker. Of course, you couldn’t let him think that.

“I’ll let you say whatever you want,” MJ teased, “but I know you took care of me the whole time I was out. That means you care.”

You rolled your eyes, “Just leave before I really get annoyed by you.”

MJ smiled and gave you a mock-salute. “Yes, ma'am.”

You shook your head at him fondly as he left the room.

Just the next week, MJ was back to his old self. His fever was gone and his energy was back to its normal level.

This time, he slipped into your office holding out his thumb. “I pricked it on a thorn and now it’s bleeding.”

As you bandaged it, MJ peered down at you, “Aren’t you going to ask me how I pricked it.”

You sighed, “How did you prick it, MJ? I’m dying to know.”

MJ ignored your sarcasm and smiled proudly. “I was picking a rose to give to my girlfriend.”

Without warning, your heart dropped to your stomach. “You have a girlfriend?”

Why did you even care?

“Well, not yet.” MJ gave you a cheeky smile. “I’m going to confess to her with the rose. Then she’ll be my girlfriend.”

“Oh,” you finished wrapping his thumb with a bandaid. “Well, good luck.”

“Thanks!” MJ chuckled softly. “She doesn’t like me much so I wonder what she’ll say.”

You swallowed your pride. “I’m sure she’ll say yes.”

You looked up to see MJ already looking at you. His eyes fell to your lips before he licked his own and turned away. “Would you?”

“Would I what?”

He looked at you again, his eyes holding your gaze. “Would you say yes, if it was you.”

You could feel his breathing across you face, and it only made you lean closer to him subconsciously.

His lips were inches from yours. He waited for your answer. “Would you, Y/n?”

You slowly nodded. That was all the confirmation he needed to close the gap and give you a soft kiss.

His lips molded into yours and you felt his arms wrapping around your waist, pulling you closer to him.

You kissed him back, accepting your own feelings towards the eccentric boy.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for the longest time,” MJ mumbled when the two of you parted. His eyes were still closed as he leaned his forehead against yours. “It’s really a shame I forgot to bring the rose.”

You laughed and slapped his arm. “You scared me. I thought you liked someone else.”

MJ rolled his eyes, “Why would I come into your office three times a week if I weren’t interested in you?”

“I don’t know. Your excuses sucked by the way.”

“Hey, the kick in the ribs wasn’t an excuse. I actually asked Rocky to kick me in the ribs.”

“Really?” You looked up at him in disbelief.

MJ reached down and kissed your nose, “No pain, no gain is what I always say.”

“Your ridiculous.”

“And I’m all yours,” He shot you a smirk.

“Unfortunately, yes.”

~the end~

#astro scenario #astro scenarios #astro imagines #astro reactions #astro au #college au #mj scenarios #kim myungjun #astro myungjun #mj fluff #nurse au #myungjun scenario #destwrites #myungjun #mj #astro mj

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